Last day of August, 2007

Never been better! Came back from a camp organized by SP! Tired but exuberant.

Five-star resort at Batam! Food's super! Hiking and trekking through the jungle's really fun! River rafting's also just as great! High rope was damn scary, but super enjoyable!

The leadership workshop, alas, wasn't as interesting. Still, I came back, not just better, but a blacker man.

Anyways, many things happened that are noteworthy, among the really humorous guys from EEE, the electrical and electronics engineering school; there was this Chinese guy who speaks extremely fluent English, even though at first impression he looks nowhere near a linguistic man. He easily alters between various accents, ranging from German (Deutsch), to Indian (Tamil). He is really a gifted comedian, Mr Brown style!

At the shopping mall trip the last day, most of us had quite a lot of spare change of Rupiah in our hands. One guy was flipping a 100 and 200 Rupiah coin up and down, basically fiddling with it and saying that he was rich, with 300 bucks to spare. Another guy took out 10 cents, in Singapore currency, a solitary coin so much smaller than the Indonesian coin, and declared, and rightly so, that his was worth twice as much. All who were in a 1 meter radius about the vicinity burst into laughter.



Fun aside, I learnt that Poly life is so much more different and unique. Through this camp, I look into the lives of all my seniors and other "polymates" with a totally different viewpoint. Every seemingly differing person has a totally diverse life story. I feel so much more attached to the Poly and its students and lecturers now.


One student, who prefers to be called Rain, really has a strong and touching story to tell. She had a little bit too much alcohol during the night parties, and said quite a bit, fogged both in frustration and sorrow. She is also in DMAT, 1 year my senior, and also plays the piano. She sure has composed many songs. Apparently, she joined the camp to escape from home. Her father, a Malaysian, is a pastor and missionary. Her mother is just as fervent a Christian. Not surprisingly, she is under strict curfew and her life devoid of freedom. Complaining of being unable to have unchained access to the computer for her parents do not want her to be at risk, denied leave to a chalet for fear of being raped, and the list goes on. Even though she does exceptionally well in study (GPA 3.94, 0.06 points less from a perfect score for her Poly studies), helps out in church, but her life has yet to be really touched by God. I wonder what will be the future of her poor soul. She still has not really experienced God's great and unconditional love for her, as well as for everyone. Maybe because of her confined and shackled upbringing, or maybe for other reasons I do not know, she is completely wrecked and empty. She would dread going back home to an home with devastated family ties and try to fill her emptiness using boyfriends, anime and the like. She also voices out her grief and hurls vulgarities and obscenities at ease. She broke up and to date, has a new boyfriend.

I know for sure that a life truly committed to God will not have ended up like this, and that I must help her to see God's wondrous ways. I pray that I know how. One thing's for sure; her story will be continued.

24th August 2007

One of the most important but underrated qualities that we should have is humility.
Many a times, the things preventing many youths from humility is their pride and ambition. When supposed to have a change in our character, like being more forgiving, having a faith, we find excuse in lavishing it to be very hard to put down their freedom or authority.

Think of it as a child standing on a trunk at the back of a car, then extending his arm to the lid, planning to lift up the trunk and his own weight at the same time. Vanity. The question is whether or not he can lift the lid; it is whether he be willing enough to get down from yore trunk and simply lift up the lid.











Get my drift? We are always reluctant to get down the lid, straining ourselves to lift our own burden when it could easily be let go... How hard is it to convince my fellow friends the same theory... I pray, that God would give me the wisdom and courage, not for mine, but for their own good... How hard it is to be understood by them and let them not see my efforts as chauvinist but as an unconditional love for them... I pray.

21/08/07

LOLx, been writing on another medium until now...

So much to say, so much to hear, so much to see...

D'oh.

Wow, there are fantastic pianists out there! First, Igudesman, then, Maksim Mrvica, then, Bruce Greer! Wow... I really gotta train. Bruce Greer's concert at the 19th of August really was a whopper. All these complex chords... I mean, the other time, I heard from this Chill CD, they also played a lot of groove chords, and after buying it and listening to it, I started playing said groove chords at ease from around May onwards... U know, like minor 2nds inside a chord, which by right, sound awful when playing alone, but in the said groove chords, bring a powerful effect...

But this Bruce, he plays the chords one whole tone higher! It's like, playing a D when a C chord should work.. And that he plays the chord for an entirely different tonality! Then, he uses a lot of flourishes, that is, the MANY little notes at the high end... At least I can copy that... BUT it will be years before I can go like machine gunning entire suspended scales, dorian scales, phrygians, and mixolydian modes up and down the piano at surprising speed. WOW. Enough said. In short, that guy is awesome. More so that he uses his talent for God's ministry. He arranged so many songs... Composer, blah, blah blah, u name it. Wow.

Take less than 5 minutes off your time, u must look at this video. Igudesman at work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xui7x_KF7bY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifKKlhYF53w

21st June 2007

The state of worry. You've heard of people being addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, gambling, sex, and a host of other things. But did you know, we can be addicted to worry? That's right; there are people, me included, who can be addicted to worrying over their lives, and when we can't find our own stuff to worry about, we'll start worrying about our friends, relatives, and neighbors!

Worry is defined as feeling uneasy, troubled, anxious or distressed. It can also mean being plagued by nagging concerns. It is, ultimately, described as tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts.

After years of worrying, I finally realized that we humans are too smart to be tormenting ourselves, and should pull ourselves out from our own traps of blindness. We just need to realize that worry never makes anything better. Never. The fact the it's time wasting, energy draining, makes worry an effective satanic weapon! Damnation keeps our mind preoccupied with worries, that we cannot use our mind in productive, honoring ways.

It doesn't matter whether you are a Christian, a skeptic, or even one who thinks that the Bible is hate speech. Just treat as though this phrase is spoken by some great thinker, and not by some hogwash religious freaks, okay? It makes quite a lot of sense!

Mat 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Mat 6:26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Mat 6:27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Mat 6:28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,
Mat 6:29 yet I tell you, even Solomon [who was a great king of his time] in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Mat 6:30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Mat 6:31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
Mat 6:32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
Mat 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Mat 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I, as a teen, once struggled with self-image, and some of you may do so too, but surely we can believe that we're more valuable than a bird, or grass, at least in someways, right? To your parents, and to a God who truly loves us!

I am thankful for being able to cast my worries aside; giving them to my parents, and having a loving girlfriend for me to just share them with. How much must I thank her! She would just listen, making me feel so much better.

But there may come a time that we have terrible worries. So horrifying are they, that we wouldn't even dare speak of. Dumbfounded, we shiver. Flabbergasted, we tremble before it's wrath. Slackjawed, we cry in terror. These are worries that many people have, after they face severe rebukes, and have done earth-shattering things that they cannot ever hope to forgive themselves. Still others had been the victim of abuse. Many think silly thoughts, hurting themselves, in a state of self-pity and wallow in despair. Suicide seems like a good friend to them. Believe me, I have had similar symptoms. Needless to say I would scream in my head and struggle in disappointment.

Then there comes along a joy that few will ever believe. The fire of worry and despair that burns within us seemed unstoppable. Then I met my Creator in a personal experience, feeling His comfort firsthand. I didn't bother going to the church to kneel down and pray, nor speaking to a pastor. From a fake Christian who is dragged to church every Sunday, I just flung my worries like a fireball to God. Yes, pick 'em up and fire 'em God's way. Believe me, He can catch them, and He knows what to do with them. In a artistic description of what happened to mine, you can imagine God holding the fireball in His hand, and like a tai chi master in some Chinese movie, simply do some hand movements, and make the fireball smaller, and smaller, until it disappears in a puff of smoke. Instead of "God! I have a big problem!" which I thought earlier, I would go to the remains of my troubled past and say "Hey, problem!" with a smirk, and add, "I have a big God!"

How much I thank God, and how I wish my loved ones can truly experience God's love for themselves! But if not for my troubles, a scoundrel like me having a ravaged past, all these could not have been possible! I just pray that somehow, all whom I love would be touched by God's abundant grace, and feel the joy that overwhelmed me...

Ending of this long post. By now I may give the impression that peace of mind comes by only having no worries in your mind at all. It is like a serene nature scene, with a still lake as its focal point. But I say to you, true peace is a tree branch extended over a raging, rushing waterfall. Perched in the branch is a bird in its nest, resting in the security of its home. The bird understood that in its nest, it was safe from the danger below. There can't be no peace without opposition, just as there can't be courage without fear. You just need to find comfort, and someone to trust in, who would not fail you, and all your worries so easily disappear...

Bid God bless you. Jesus truly loves you! He cares for you and is waiting ever so patiently for you to seek Him! For He delights, yes, delights in giving His children good things!

20th June 2007

Today I went to help the elderly by playing piano, while they sang along familiar songs. Funnily enough, we had lunch together at a balcony after one of the sisters gave a talk on living as a person in their twilight years. There, I accompanied them, and strangely enough, one of the venerable people called me to seat next to her. So, I did, and she began talking with the most strikingly fluent English, that would put many of us youths into shame! Then, I realized that she looked just like my late grandmother, with the same hairstyle and color, and that particularly outstanding mole on her cheek. As we continued on our conversation, I learnt that she and my grandmother were childhood friends, who knew each other during the pre-war period. What she said, I would leave until later to speak about.

But it was then that I realized that all the elderly have stories to share, not just my own grandparents! This was not the first time I came for such an event, but today was the pioneer's period of me coming into such an understanding with them. Mostly I would just sit in the corner, and stuff myself full of food, being the greedy person that I am, but from now on, I would look at the elderly with their perspective of each other; friends and buddies, with their own life story to share, just looking for company to spend their time with, after living such a full life. Some of them have married daughters in England or are already carrying grandchildren in their arms, others are living life single, either unmarried, widowed or even divorced. Still, they are also human beings, going to an event with a smile on their faces, taking turns every alternate Wednesday to prepare breakfast lunch, or simple exercises that other elderly will learn to enjoy. From now on, nay more shall I turn to them with blind eye, since everyone of us are in the same family under God's wing.

So on the trip home, when I was about to cross the road to take the usual 156 bus which takes me homeward bound, I chanced upon one of the elders, and approached her. I think she was quite startled, for this was most probably the first time I spoke to her, for she was one of the more quiet and passive people in the event. But, I could sense her sincere smile, that with wrinkled eyes and all. Cars were approaching our direction, and I wanted to signal to her to cross, but she still started crossing anyway, making some strange noises and walking at a speed I have never seen any aged person with a walking stick travel before. At the other side of the road, she laughed, as though she had not experienced excitement like this since her youth. At the bus stop, I asked her whether she was fine, and she answered by saying the number seventy in Chinese, which I guessed, correctly, was the bus she was taking. So I just kept quiet, keeping her company while she waited for her bus. Shortly after, it came, and just before she boarded her bus, she turned to me and waved. I said to her, in Chinese of course, "okay then, see you on Sunday!" Her response was "Ah, ah. Yes, seventy."

It seemed that the happiness from her wrinkled smile and the sincere joy that she abounded so fully with was contagious!

13th June 2007

Where millions are suffering, we refuse to listen. Where the multitudes are starving, we don't bother. Is there even a standard of right and wrong? Or is it that whatever you believe is right is right? Does different people having their own views means that the absolute truth of right and wrong is not present? But as to this, we can never be absolutely sure! Unless you are absolutely sure that there are no absolutes. But absolutes aside, I just think that humanity has lost the once pure sense of right and wrong. Gay, sexual immorality, has been legalized in some states, leading countries that have yet to lift the ban to slowly get grasped by immorality. We find fault in others, never from ourselves. We feel no pain upon knowing that 400 natural disasters occur every year, and that 1.8 people die every passing second, majority of them could be prevented.

And yet, none of us, with our hand phones, computers, textbooks, wads of cash notes, realize the suffering revolving the 80/20 window. 20% of the world gets 80% of the food. The 80%? In terms of mathematical statistics, they get 1/16 as much food as we get. Geocentrically speaking, they eat once every 16 days; twice a month. They suffer, war-torn; every day an instinctive quest for survival, living without hope. They are also humans, on their state only because of where they were born. Many Singaporeans, me once included, think of them as pathetic, lower grade outcasts. We forget that we are better off than them not because we did anything, but because we were born differently. Still, we act as though we deserved what we have, almost none of us bothering to reach out their hand to help their fellow brethren.

I say, is there some sort of standard that each of us can do? At the first place, why do all things happen? Why do we even live? My understanding of this is quite limited, saying from a Singaporean youth's perspective. But all things in life happen with a purpose! Have you ever thought about some great being up there, where, you don't know, but you can feel it, is overseeing all these things? Could it be time? Space? Dimension? Nature? Destiny? Fate? God? Is there a God? Don't we come from somewhere? We couldn't be here forever, couldn't we? If there is no God, which is non-material, how can there be other non-material things like love, truth or feelings, which we know by faith they exist? Dear reader, what evidence are you looking for to prove the existence of God? None can be given, other than by having you experience God yourself, just as you have loved, hated, delighted and grieved! It is left to you to think about.

My only wish is that someday, I can do my part I can for these people, for it is my heart's desire. Though what I can do is way too small, I just pray that God will inspire many others like me to the the stand, and proceed to serve. If all of us just give a little of what we have to our fellow brethren, who now even envy the problems you go through, and dream of living in a "Singapore" we all continually complain of.

08th June 2007

God never said there'd only be sunshine, and He never said there'd only be rain. He only promised a heart full of singing, about the very things that once brought pain. Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus, Shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys, give them all, give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus. And he will turn your sorrow into joy!

Of the many days of my life, the many trails and tribulations of which I've faced and emerged from the ashes and learnt so much; all these did not prepare me for what I now face.

God is the air I breathe to my soul. His word is the food I consume, my sustenance. His teachings I base my life on are like my shelter, my comfort. The main priority in my life, who I am; I've committed them all to God. I did so because I believe in Him, even though many others do not, dismissing it as hogwash. But being human beings, we have a mind, a soul and a body. But when the other part of my mind, what I think, the one who makes up a huge portion of my thoughts, is opposing what the food my soul eats, what I base my life on, and find comfort in, how much I lament! How confused I am, when I must relinquish part of me! I place my trust in God, but have been living in self-denial of what I really must do, knowing that I would end up pursuing my soul. I just don't know what to do now; I just hope God's grace would see me through, as he has for countless times over the past 17 years of my life, and the millenia since history to ancient figures like Joseph and Moses, to the apostles, and to the modern man. But verily, Jehovah Jireh, my provider, His grace is sufficient for me.

07th June 2007

Never have I been filled with more regret. The things we have on Earth are but unreliable. The very source of my joy one moment can quickly cause you utmost despair next. Nothing much would be said here, because I do not require the world to share in my grief. However, it is hard to describe the vanity of what many people do. We try so hard to please ourselves with our successes, only to forget what we are doing them for, ending up moving by act of instinct. We live on Earth, never forget what we are living here for!

All I can say is to bid God give us the will we need; who can fathom His infinite wisdom?

05th June 2007

Is it me, or does trouble always come to me, even if i didn't even look for it? It does not really matter though. Many times I don't even realize when trouble's at my doorstep. Enough of that, lest more trouble comes looking for me!

Oh, it seems a espanol fellow blogger has made my blog the platform for advertising his! Wow. Luckily sitemeter.com allows me to track whoever looks into my blog. Never mind that, all are welcome!

Ya, I went for a chalet with the SKY Choir yesterday night till today. It was fun. Didn't know chlorine is so bad for our eyes. Red ants never give up when biting us, clinging on so hard; such admirable perseverance! I really respected them! For a few seconds at least, before I crushed them... Ah well, instinct makes us fight back hard on things that harm you.

For some reason or another, even though the rooms for the night had been specifically designated; one for the boys, one for the teachers, and two for the girls, I ended up sleeping next to Mr Fong, a teacher, in the boys room, and Doreen was on the other side of me. Not that I'm uneasy, but it just felt weird. But great... Alas, not the part of Mr Fong scratching his arms (I think), but of having someone to cuddle. Many times in our friendships we expect something from someone. But I learnt that by right, we should not only give, nor not only take, but give and take!

I tend to take God for granted, as well as many other things. This shouldn't be the case! We tend to look to God when in trouble, then ignore Him during good times. We expect our relationship with God to be one with giving and taking, but through our actions, we merely take. Wretched fool that I am! I condemn myself with my own inscriptions! We must not forget that we should also offer ourselves to God, just as Jesus Christ was offered to us. Only where there is give and take, can any relationship, not just one with God, but with friends and family, truly blossom. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all, evermore, amen.

04th June 2007

How meaningless many things we do can be. Vanity! Everything is vanity! Meaningless! How humans developed from primitive lifestyles, hoping to be rid of worrying over what to hunt and eat, and what to do to survive, until the information age we are now, though still worrying over stock market prices and what to order to eat at the hawker centre, spoilt for choice. What!? We even invented a new toilet cubicle that enables us to look at our breakfast's calorie and nutrient values and look how healthy we are while we move our bowels!? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE CAN'T WE JUST SHIT AND GET IT DONE WITH!? All those blasted contraptions! Live with computer and hand phones for just one day and forget how to live without one after that. We improve our lives, but will still worry! Children worry over what present he'll get for their birthdays, students worry over their results and infatuations, adults worry over career, health and success, and damn it, even the old and retired over what their grandsons would like to eat, and whether they will appreciate what they cook! This really makes me want to blurt out that the dead worry over what's left over their corpses!

Thankfully, this is not the first time I have thought this way. Because of this thought, among other things I have witnessed, I chose to become a Christian. Not because of my parents. Not because of my upbringing. I did not even really pay attention during Sunday School, much less give a damn for it.
Ecc 1:2 Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
Ecc 1:3 What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?
Ecc 1:4 A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.
Ecc 1:5 The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises.
Ecc 1:6 The wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns.
Ecc 1:7 All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again.
Ecc 1:8 All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.
Ecc 1:9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.
I became a Christian because of what God has done for me. He's given me a goal to live on Earth, and I know I will not die and just lived without really living. What many of us, as well as me, tend to hope in things which are but temporary. Why bother studying? Why keep all the money in the world, only to die the next day and have lived and worked in vain. Love is great! Getting to know someone and care for that someone, share weal and woe together is great! Indescribable is the feeling when affection for each other is shown. But in my life, there is something far more greater! God has given me a goal in life. Right now, I will continue to live on with a purpose in life, and vow to excel in it before I meet my Maker. Thanks be to God for giving my life true purpose!

Though I may continue to fall short of God in this life, steady in my stand of life today yet contradicting myself the next, I know that God is with me. If only my adviser can learn the fullness of life with me too. Entertainment that comes from films, books and television are but temporal, not eternal, bound by the shackles of time...

Oh, and one lucky guy who owes me my badminton racket gets to keep it. I'm lifting my charge on him, and asking the police to drop the case. He walks away without actually going into court itself after all! He's just not worth the money I pay for the lawsuit. And I'm only 17, not going all out to humiliate someone who merely took of with something mine, for objects are only temporary. Play on, man, the Sim! You deserve the racket, since you really want it that desperately!