New Year 2008

Is this a new year
Or just another night
Abundance in this world
But nothing worth saving

Everyone sees the outside
Neglecting the soul within
Attempting to break away
Just another desperation

Sentenced ourselves to prison
Life, we've thrown away the key
18 reasons to admit my wrong
But all my excuses all 18 strong

We toil and give ourselves the albatross
Silence sealed the bridge between us
Goodwills exchanged through methods man-made
Though man-made never let our lives converge

What greater joy there be
Than to share with you life eternal
Treasures we store in His kingdom
Loved ones with us with our Father amaranthine

I'm so sorry I've been so down
Been staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows in the twilight
Begin to believe that who we are is material

In this life
I'm stubborn to the core
In this life
I'm my worse enemy

That's nonsensical
Stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
The flip side of me
For I'm not out of my mind

I'm just a little flabbergasted
How He is experiencing your pains
Listening to your silent cries
Shed His own blood for you to leech

Is this a new year
Or just another desperation
Small acts of random kindness
Or a cacophony of negligence

29th December 2007

I'm the failure
I'm everyone's fool
And I'm losing my cool at the end

I'm the loser
My numbers come up
I've been hung up with thoughts of Revenge
Revenge
Revenge

Oh!

I've been watching you with my terminal view
As you struggle to rise to your end
I laughed hard at the insults we through
As the weight of the world found revenge
Revenge
Revenge

Oh!

Have hatred and Gravity won?

Oh!
Oh!

The world hung upside down
I drew first blood
With my hateful vengeance
I drew first blood
Revenge

I watched heaven dying today
And I'm gonna die here tonight
I'm the villain and I deserve to be dead
I've been hung up for wrecking my life
Revenge

Oh!

So I stopped for a moment
To look at the sun
Dying today
That's when the irony hit me
That this was revenge
That love had descended and stolen our pain
Away.

We consumed heaven's Son
And I drew first blood
And my hate was undone
And I drew first blood
Revenge

Here's a story
How thief had been robed
How murder had stolen my rage
Think of me Lord
I'm a few breaths away
As my lungs finally rip from the cage

But your love is strong and I don't care what goes down
But your love is strong enough to enter through the thundercloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

All of my world resting on your love

29th December 2007

Awakening

Face down with the LA curbside endings
With the ones and zeros.
Downtown was the perfect place to hide.
The first star that I saw last night was a headlight
Of a man-made sky, but man- made never made our dreams collide,
Collide.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening
Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain,
We're awakening
Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening

Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know if I've ever felt so alive,
Alive

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It's beating,
I'm bleeding
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It's beating... it's beating...
I'm bleeding

29th December 2007

Unfinished

Entered fellowship with a veil
Am still carrying it clear
How it does me pain
To see their lives so vain

My heart torn asunder from within
A strange man stepped inside
The way he tracked me home
The way he knocked at the door
The way he knew my name
My desires, my iniquities and my genome

Oh how many times have I heard it here
人生就是这样的
All this while I've been searching
But there is nothing that is pure
Thinking too hard to accept
Neither adjective nor noun
Why can't love be a verb

He touched the rain
And suddenly there's waterfalls
Now everyday
There's something else worth fighting for

29th December 2007

Twenty-four

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
Twenty-four tries

Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong

Twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
In twenty-four parts

But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'
You're raising the dead in me

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel
For more than a name

For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-hearts
All of my symphonies
With twenty-four parts

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit
Take me up in arms with you'
And you're raising the dead in me

See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me

Oh, oh, I am the second man
Oh, oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me

I'm not copping out
Not copping out

October 2007

Real

Look at me I'm twenty three
Beautiful a sight to see
Tonight

A little dress to draw the press
And I'll be leaving
All the rest behind

Well be pleased girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

I close my eyes imagine time
Will not forget
My sacrifice

I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness
Stand naked in the light

Well be pleased world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say

Aren't I lovely
And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real

The world goes home
The lights go down
My lipstick fades
Away

And do you want me cause
I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me and
Do you love me cause
I am desperately searching for something
Real
(repeats)

Last day of August, 2007

Never been better! Came back from a camp organized by SP! Tired but exuberant.

Five-star resort at Batam! Food's super! Hiking and trekking through the jungle's really fun! River rafting's also just as great! High rope was damn scary, but super enjoyable!

The leadership workshop, alas, wasn't as interesting. Still, I came back, not just better, but a blacker man.

Anyways, many things happened that are noteworthy, among the really humorous guys from EEE, the electrical and electronics engineering school; there was this Chinese guy who speaks extremely fluent English, even though at first impression he looks nowhere near a linguistic man. He easily alters between various accents, ranging from German (Deutsch), to Indian (Tamil). He is really a gifted comedian, Mr Brown style!

At the shopping mall trip the last day, most of us had quite a lot of spare change of Rupiah in our hands. One guy was flipping a 100 and 200 Rupiah coin up and down, basically fiddling with it and saying that he was rich, with 300 bucks to spare. Another guy took out 10 cents, in Singapore currency, a solitary coin so much smaller than the Indonesian coin, and declared, and rightly so, that his was worth twice as much. All who were in a 1 meter radius about the vicinity burst into laughter.



Fun aside, I learnt that Poly life is so much more different and unique. Through this camp, I look into the lives of all my seniors and other "polymates" with a totally different viewpoint. Every seemingly differing person has a totally diverse life story. I feel so much more attached to the Poly and its students and lecturers now.


One student, who prefers to be called Rain, really has a strong and touching story to tell. She had a little bit too much alcohol during the night parties, and said quite a bit, fogged both in frustration and sorrow. She is also in DMAT, 1 year my senior, and also plays the piano. She sure has composed many songs. Apparently, she joined the camp to escape from home. Her father, a Malaysian, is a pastor and missionary. Her mother is just as fervent a Christian. Not surprisingly, she is under strict curfew and her life devoid of freedom. Complaining of being unable to have unchained access to the computer for her parents do not want her to be at risk, denied leave to a chalet for fear of being raped, and the list goes on. Even though she does exceptionally well in study (GPA 3.94, 0.06 points less from a perfect score for her Poly studies), helps out in church, but her life has yet to be really touched by God. I wonder what will be the future of her poor soul. She still has not really experienced God's great and unconditional love for her, as well as for everyone. Maybe because of her confined and shackled upbringing, or maybe for other reasons I do not know, she is completely wrecked and empty. She would dread going back home to an home with devastated family ties and try to fill her emptiness using boyfriends, anime and the like. She also voices out her grief and hurls vulgarities and obscenities at ease. She broke up and to date, has a new boyfriend.

I know for sure that a life truly committed to God will not have ended up like this, and that I must help her to see God's wondrous ways. I pray that I know how. One thing's for sure; her story will be continued.

24th August 2007

One of the most important but underrated qualities that we should have is humility.
Many a times, the things preventing many youths from humility is their pride and ambition. When supposed to have a change in our character, like being more forgiving, having a faith, we find excuse in lavishing it to be very hard to put down their freedom or authority.

Think of it as a child standing on a trunk at the back of a car, then extending his arm to the lid, planning to lift up the trunk and his own weight at the same time. Vanity. The question is whether or not he can lift the lid; it is whether he be willing enough to get down from yore trunk and simply lift up the lid.











Get my drift? We are always reluctant to get down the lid, straining ourselves to lift our own burden when it could easily be let go... How hard is it to convince my fellow friends the same theory... I pray, that God would give me the wisdom and courage, not for mine, but for their own good... How hard it is to be understood by them and let them not see my efforts as chauvinist but as an unconditional love for them... I pray.

21/08/07

LOLx, been writing on another medium until now...

So much to say, so much to hear, so much to see...

D'oh.

Wow, there are fantastic pianists out there! First, Igudesman, then, Maksim Mrvica, then, Bruce Greer! Wow... I really gotta train. Bruce Greer's concert at the 19th of August really was a whopper. All these complex chords... I mean, the other time, I heard from this Chill CD, they also played a lot of groove chords, and after buying it and listening to it, I started playing said groove chords at ease from around May onwards... U know, like minor 2nds inside a chord, which by right, sound awful when playing alone, but in the said groove chords, bring a powerful effect...

But this Bruce, he plays the chords one whole tone higher! It's like, playing a D when a C chord should work.. And that he plays the chord for an entirely different tonality! Then, he uses a lot of flourishes, that is, the MANY little notes at the high end... At least I can copy that... BUT it will be years before I can go like machine gunning entire suspended scales, dorian scales, phrygians, and mixolydian modes up and down the piano at surprising speed. WOW. Enough said. In short, that guy is awesome. More so that he uses his talent for God's ministry. He arranged so many songs... Composer, blah, blah blah, u name it. Wow.

Take less than 5 minutes off your time, u must look at this video. Igudesman at work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xui7x_KF7bY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifKKlhYF53w

21st June 2007

The state of worry. You've heard of people being addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, gambling, sex, and a host of other things. But did you know, we can be addicted to worry? That's right; there are people, me included, who can be addicted to worrying over their lives, and when we can't find our own stuff to worry about, we'll start worrying about our friends, relatives, and neighbors!

Worry is defined as feeling uneasy, troubled, anxious or distressed. It can also mean being plagued by nagging concerns. It is, ultimately, described as tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts.

After years of worrying, I finally realized that we humans are too smart to be tormenting ourselves, and should pull ourselves out from our own traps of blindness. We just need to realize that worry never makes anything better. Never. The fact the it's time wasting, energy draining, makes worry an effective satanic weapon! Damnation keeps our mind preoccupied with worries, that we cannot use our mind in productive, honoring ways.

It doesn't matter whether you are a Christian, a skeptic, or even one who thinks that the Bible is hate speech. Just treat as though this phrase is spoken by some great thinker, and not by some hogwash religious freaks, okay? It makes quite a lot of sense!

Mat 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
Mat 6:26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Mat 6:27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Mat 6:28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,
Mat 6:29 yet I tell you, even Solomon [who was a great king of his time] in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Mat 6:30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
Mat 6:31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
Mat 6:32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
Mat 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Mat 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I, as a teen, once struggled with self-image, and some of you may do so too, but surely we can believe that we're more valuable than a bird, or grass, at least in someways, right? To your parents, and to a God who truly loves us!

I am thankful for being able to cast my worries aside; giving them to my parents, and having a loving girlfriend for me to just share them with. How much must I thank her! She would just listen, making me feel so much better.

But there may come a time that we have terrible worries. So horrifying are they, that we wouldn't even dare speak of. Dumbfounded, we shiver. Flabbergasted, we tremble before it's wrath. Slackjawed, we cry in terror. These are worries that many people have, after they face severe rebukes, and have done earth-shattering things that they cannot ever hope to forgive themselves. Still others had been the victim of abuse. Many think silly thoughts, hurting themselves, in a state of self-pity and wallow in despair. Suicide seems like a good friend to them. Believe me, I have had similar symptoms. Needless to say I would scream in my head and struggle in disappointment.

Then there comes along a joy that few will ever believe. The fire of worry and despair that burns within us seemed unstoppable. Then I met my Creator in a personal experience, feeling His comfort firsthand. I didn't bother going to the church to kneel down and pray, nor speaking to a pastor. From a fake Christian who is dragged to church every Sunday, I just flung my worries like a fireball to God. Yes, pick 'em up and fire 'em God's way. Believe me, He can catch them, and He knows what to do with them. In a artistic description of what happened to mine, you can imagine God holding the fireball in His hand, and like a tai chi master in some Chinese movie, simply do some hand movements, and make the fireball smaller, and smaller, until it disappears in a puff of smoke. Instead of "God! I have a big problem!" which I thought earlier, I would go to the remains of my troubled past and say "Hey, problem!" with a smirk, and add, "I have a big God!"

How much I thank God, and how I wish my loved ones can truly experience God's love for themselves! But if not for my troubles, a scoundrel like me having a ravaged past, all these could not have been possible! I just pray that somehow, all whom I love would be touched by God's abundant grace, and feel the joy that overwhelmed me...

Ending of this long post. By now I may give the impression that peace of mind comes by only having no worries in your mind at all. It is like a serene nature scene, with a still lake as its focal point. But I say to you, true peace is a tree branch extended over a raging, rushing waterfall. Perched in the branch is a bird in its nest, resting in the security of its home. The bird understood that in its nest, it was safe from the danger below. There can't be no peace without opposition, just as there can't be courage without fear. You just need to find comfort, and someone to trust in, who would not fail you, and all your worries so easily disappear...

Bid God bless you. Jesus truly loves you! He cares for you and is waiting ever so patiently for you to seek Him! For He delights, yes, delights in giving His children good things!

20th June 2007

Today I went to help the elderly by playing piano, while they sang along familiar songs. Funnily enough, we had lunch together at a balcony after one of the sisters gave a talk on living as a person in their twilight years. There, I accompanied them, and strangely enough, one of the venerable people called me to seat next to her. So, I did, and she began talking with the most strikingly fluent English, that would put many of us youths into shame! Then, I realized that she looked just like my late grandmother, with the same hairstyle and color, and that particularly outstanding mole on her cheek. As we continued on our conversation, I learnt that she and my grandmother were childhood friends, who knew each other during the pre-war period. What she said, I would leave until later to speak about.

But it was then that I realized that all the elderly have stories to share, not just my own grandparents! This was not the first time I came for such an event, but today was the pioneer's period of me coming into such an understanding with them. Mostly I would just sit in the corner, and stuff myself full of food, being the greedy person that I am, but from now on, I would look at the elderly with their perspective of each other; friends and buddies, with their own life story to share, just looking for company to spend their time with, after living such a full life. Some of them have married daughters in England or are already carrying grandchildren in their arms, others are living life single, either unmarried, widowed or even divorced. Still, they are also human beings, going to an event with a smile on their faces, taking turns every alternate Wednesday to prepare breakfast lunch, or simple exercises that other elderly will learn to enjoy. From now on, nay more shall I turn to them with blind eye, since everyone of us are in the same family under God's wing.

So on the trip home, when I was about to cross the road to take the usual 156 bus which takes me homeward bound, I chanced upon one of the elders, and approached her. I think she was quite startled, for this was most probably the first time I spoke to her, for she was one of the more quiet and passive people in the event. But, I could sense her sincere smile, that with wrinkled eyes and all. Cars were approaching our direction, and I wanted to signal to her to cross, but she still started crossing anyway, making some strange noises and walking at a speed I have never seen any aged person with a walking stick travel before. At the other side of the road, she laughed, as though she had not experienced excitement like this since her youth. At the bus stop, I asked her whether she was fine, and she answered by saying the number seventy in Chinese, which I guessed, correctly, was the bus she was taking. So I just kept quiet, keeping her company while she waited for her bus. Shortly after, it came, and just before she boarded her bus, she turned to me and waved. I said to her, in Chinese of course, "okay then, see you on Sunday!" Her response was "Ah, ah. Yes, seventy."

It seemed that the happiness from her wrinkled smile and the sincere joy that she abounded so fully with was contagious!

13th June 2007

Where millions are suffering, we refuse to listen. Where the multitudes are starving, we don't bother. Is there even a standard of right and wrong? Or is it that whatever you believe is right is right? Does different people having their own views means that the absolute truth of right and wrong is not present? But as to this, we can never be absolutely sure! Unless you are absolutely sure that there are no absolutes. But absolutes aside, I just think that humanity has lost the once pure sense of right and wrong. Gay, sexual immorality, has been legalized in some states, leading countries that have yet to lift the ban to slowly get grasped by immorality. We find fault in others, never from ourselves. We feel no pain upon knowing that 400 natural disasters occur every year, and that 1.8 people die every passing second, majority of them could be prevented.

And yet, none of us, with our hand phones, computers, textbooks, wads of cash notes, realize the suffering revolving the 80/20 window. 20% of the world gets 80% of the food. The 80%? In terms of mathematical statistics, they get 1/16 as much food as we get. Geocentrically speaking, they eat once every 16 days; twice a month. They suffer, war-torn; every day an instinctive quest for survival, living without hope. They are also humans, on their state only because of where they were born. Many Singaporeans, me once included, think of them as pathetic, lower grade outcasts. We forget that we are better off than them not because we did anything, but because we were born differently. Still, we act as though we deserved what we have, almost none of us bothering to reach out their hand to help their fellow brethren.

I say, is there some sort of standard that each of us can do? At the first place, why do all things happen? Why do we even live? My understanding of this is quite limited, saying from a Singaporean youth's perspective. But all things in life happen with a purpose! Have you ever thought about some great being up there, where, you don't know, but you can feel it, is overseeing all these things? Could it be time? Space? Dimension? Nature? Destiny? Fate? God? Is there a God? Don't we come from somewhere? We couldn't be here forever, couldn't we? If there is no God, which is non-material, how can there be other non-material things like love, truth or feelings, which we know by faith they exist? Dear reader, what evidence are you looking for to prove the existence of God? None can be given, other than by having you experience God yourself, just as you have loved, hated, delighted and grieved! It is left to you to think about.

My only wish is that someday, I can do my part I can for these people, for it is my heart's desire. Though what I can do is way too small, I just pray that God will inspire many others like me to the the stand, and proceed to serve. If all of us just give a little of what we have to our fellow brethren, who now even envy the problems you go through, and dream of living in a "Singapore" we all continually complain of.

08th June 2007

God never said there'd only be sunshine, and He never said there'd only be rain. He only promised a heart full of singing, about the very things that once brought pain. Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus, Shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys, give them all, give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus. And he will turn your sorrow into joy!

Of the many days of my life, the many trails and tribulations of which I've faced and emerged from the ashes and learnt so much; all these did not prepare me for what I now face.

God is the air I breathe to my soul. His word is the food I consume, my sustenance. His teachings I base my life on are like my shelter, my comfort. The main priority in my life, who I am; I've committed them all to God. I did so because I believe in Him, even though many others do not, dismissing it as hogwash. But being human beings, we have a mind, a soul and a body. But when the other part of my mind, what I think, the one who makes up a huge portion of my thoughts, is opposing what the food my soul eats, what I base my life on, and find comfort in, how much I lament! How confused I am, when I must relinquish part of me! I place my trust in God, but have been living in self-denial of what I really must do, knowing that I would end up pursuing my soul. I just don't know what to do now; I just hope God's grace would see me through, as he has for countless times over the past 17 years of my life, and the millenia since history to ancient figures like Joseph and Moses, to the apostles, and to the modern man. But verily, Jehovah Jireh, my provider, His grace is sufficient for me.

07th June 2007

Never have I been filled with more regret. The things we have on Earth are but unreliable. The very source of my joy one moment can quickly cause you utmost despair next. Nothing much would be said here, because I do not require the world to share in my grief. However, it is hard to describe the vanity of what many people do. We try so hard to please ourselves with our successes, only to forget what we are doing them for, ending up moving by act of instinct. We live on Earth, never forget what we are living here for!

All I can say is to bid God give us the will we need; who can fathom His infinite wisdom?

05th June 2007

Is it me, or does trouble always come to me, even if i didn't even look for it? It does not really matter though. Many times I don't even realize when trouble's at my doorstep. Enough of that, lest more trouble comes looking for me!

Oh, it seems a espanol fellow blogger has made my blog the platform for advertising his! Wow. Luckily sitemeter.com allows me to track whoever looks into my blog. Never mind that, all are welcome!

Ya, I went for a chalet with the SKY Choir yesterday night till today. It was fun. Didn't know chlorine is so bad for our eyes. Red ants never give up when biting us, clinging on so hard; such admirable perseverance! I really respected them! For a few seconds at least, before I crushed them... Ah well, instinct makes us fight back hard on things that harm you.

For some reason or another, even though the rooms for the night had been specifically designated; one for the boys, one for the teachers, and two for the girls, I ended up sleeping next to Mr Fong, a teacher, in the boys room, and Doreen was on the other side of me. Not that I'm uneasy, but it just felt weird. But great... Alas, not the part of Mr Fong scratching his arms (I think), but of having someone to cuddle. Many times in our friendships we expect something from someone. But I learnt that by right, we should not only give, nor not only take, but give and take!

I tend to take God for granted, as well as many other things. This shouldn't be the case! We tend to look to God when in trouble, then ignore Him during good times. We expect our relationship with God to be one with giving and taking, but through our actions, we merely take. Wretched fool that I am! I condemn myself with my own inscriptions! We must not forget that we should also offer ourselves to God, just as Jesus Christ was offered to us. Only where there is give and take, can any relationship, not just one with God, but with friends and family, truly blossom. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all, evermore, amen.

04th June 2007

How meaningless many things we do can be. Vanity! Everything is vanity! Meaningless! How humans developed from primitive lifestyles, hoping to be rid of worrying over what to hunt and eat, and what to do to survive, until the information age we are now, though still worrying over stock market prices and what to order to eat at the hawker centre, spoilt for choice. What!? We even invented a new toilet cubicle that enables us to look at our breakfast's calorie and nutrient values and look how healthy we are while we move our bowels!? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE CAN'T WE JUST SHIT AND GET IT DONE WITH!? All those blasted contraptions! Live with computer and hand phones for just one day and forget how to live without one after that. We improve our lives, but will still worry! Children worry over what present he'll get for their birthdays, students worry over their results and infatuations, adults worry over career, health and success, and damn it, even the old and retired over what their grandsons would like to eat, and whether they will appreciate what they cook! This really makes me want to blurt out that the dead worry over what's left over their corpses!

Thankfully, this is not the first time I have thought this way. Because of this thought, among other things I have witnessed, I chose to become a Christian. Not because of my parents. Not because of my upbringing. I did not even really pay attention during Sunday School, much less give a damn for it.
Ecc 1:2 Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
Ecc 1:3 What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?
Ecc 1:4 A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.
Ecc 1:5 The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises.
Ecc 1:6 The wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind, and on its circuits the wind returns.
Ecc 1:7 All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again.
Ecc 1:8 All things are full of weariness; a man cannot utter it; the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.
Ecc 1:9 What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.
I became a Christian because of what God has done for me. He's given me a goal to live on Earth, and I know I will not die and just lived without really living. What many of us, as well as me, tend to hope in things which are but temporary. Why bother studying? Why keep all the money in the world, only to die the next day and have lived and worked in vain. Love is great! Getting to know someone and care for that someone, share weal and woe together is great! Indescribable is the feeling when affection for each other is shown. But in my life, there is something far more greater! God has given me a goal in life. Right now, I will continue to live on with a purpose in life, and vow to excel in it before I meet my Maker. Thanks be to God for giving my life true purpose!

Though I may continue to fall short of God in this life, steady in my stand of life today yet contradicting myself the next, I know that God is with me. If only my adviser can learn the fullness of life with me too. Entertainment that comes from films, books and television are but temporal, not eternal, bound by the shackles of time...

Oh, and one lucky guy who owes me my badminton racket gets to keep it. I'm lifting my charge on him, and asking the police to drop the case. He walks away without actually going into court itself after all! He's just not worth the money I pay for the lawsuit. And I'm only 17, not going all out to humiliate someone who merely took of with something mine, for objects are only temporary. Play on, man, the Sim! You deserve the racket, since you really want it that desperately!

03rd June 2007

Ah well, tomorrow's the chalet. Hopefully I get to sing well with Doreen. But I'm quite worried that things may go wrong. Never mind, as long as she does not feel uncomfortable.

All of us live in the world of words. It's importance cannot be overemphasized, even though most of us do not realize it. After all, to name an object, is to define it. To utter a word, is to create a chain of thought. To pen down an event, is to make history. And to invent a language, is to create a whole new world. Man have always revolved around words. Every act we do, other than by instinct, comes to because of the thought of the act, which is the emanating of words in our mind. Words are what separate Man from Animal. But words, at their purest form, comes only from scripture, which is the embodiment of God's Word, the Holy Bible. It's use is truly underestimated. Worse of all, many Christians, me included tend to act as though it was they who wrote it. They cite verses out of it, giving others the impression that they were the ones who created the concept. How arrogant we are! Even though the Bible has so many parables warning us against arrogance, insolent pride, we Christians often fall its trap, encased by the very book which told us not too! What vanity of vanities!

One of the greatest stereotype of us humans, is to judge people's mistakes, equating them with our differences. When males see members of the fairer sex fumble, they dub all women as clumsy. When Chinese people see their fellow kin, albeit of darker complexion, they condemn all "blacks"; even if the offender was an Indian, they find hostility not just within Indians, but Africans too, I'm afraid! And when people of differing religions see a Christian acting the insolent and arrogant fool, similarly, they find fault in the entire Church Assembly. This should not be the case, for anyone of us, Christian or not! But human nature, which definitely includes me are powerless to control ourselves, God forgive me. This gives us a challenge to humble ourselves and to fight our pride. Lem this be a daily challenge for us all, to stay humble, just as the Bible gave so many illustrations, and not to take things for granted. Among others, are are to "have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind."

May we be able to read the Bible before judging a religion, and study it before we misuse it's teachings and mislead others as well!

02nd June 2007

Argh. Two more days to the chalet at Aloha Loyang. So nervous, must sing duet, then maybe do something extra. So embarrassing. Lost for words with all to say. D'oh.

Love. 1Co 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
1Co 13:5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
1Co 13:6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
1Co 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1Co 13:8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
1Co 13:9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
1Co 13:10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
1Co 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
1Co 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
1Co 13:13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

It is something so great, but yet so hard to explain. But most of all, the older I grow, the more I love God, as he has, but I know that I must try my best to love my neighbor as myself... Praise God, His Word has done so much for humankind, may it be the universal language of love all over the world...

29th May 2007

When was the last time that you shared the gospel with someone, or heard it from someone else? Many times, God places the lives of individuals within our path, but what do we do? Do we save them from eternal damnation? Or leave them to wallow in their shadowy graves?

Strict as I may sound, I must frankly rebuke myself also. Even though it was my duty to fulfill the Great Commission, I have failed to do so many times, letting the opportunity slip away. But in Matthew 28:18-20, the Bible said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
Mat 28:19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
Mat 28:20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

However, I warn that Satan is in work. He will distract us from whatever be holding us back now, anything, be it studying or even worldly goals. Anything would do! As long as you are not doing your part for the Great Commission, Satan will have achieved!

But even though I may lack the courage, the inspiration, and the motivation, I know that God has given me all authority, and He will provide all I require. So, I will do my part for God, that I will leave a wake of saved souls in my wake, and now, I pray that God will sanctify me and prepare me in this task. Dear friends, do you ever see images of your closest family and friends, yet to be saved, the snapshots of them being burnt by fire? Do join me as well as the millions of other Christians, because we know that our works will not be in vain. Certificates, diplomas, money and life are not forever. They are temporal. But not so for this! Even though we gain completely nothing here, and that the world is a very skeptic one, what greater joy can there be, when you are called on to the LORD in heaven, greet Him and praise Him, an individual comes towards you and thanks you for saving his soul... Praise God for such a wonderful gift!

27th May

I really suck at singing. Pop singing, at least. Today's rehearsal with Doreen for our duet next Monday was kaput! I really let her down... My voice is nowhere compared to any other pop singer... But I rejoice knowing that the LORD is my strength! I offer my all to God, knowing it was him who bestowed me with all I have, including my life! Still, I pray that someone else will be able to do the same and find joy in doing so...

Today, I must pray for the team that's going to Cambodia for a mission trip this Thursday. Cambodia is a war-wrecked country, and many of the people there are scarred! Pol Pot, a dictator thirty years ago of Cambodia thought of making an ideal Cambodia, where all the citizens will farm the land and work loyally to the country, without questioning the leader. The result was that he ordered thousands of "smart people" executed, massacred and murdered, by the masses. Those who were Buddhist monks, Western-educated intellectuals, educated people in general, people who had contact with Western countries, people who appeared to be intelligent (for example, individuals with glasses), the crippled and lame, and ethnic minorities like ethnic Chinese, Laotians and Vietnamese and unfit to live were to dig their own graves, then buried alive. The lucky ones were beaten to death, falling with their chains and shackles still on them to the muddy pits they freshly dug. Please read more about it on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot

Now, where we Singaporeans live in such luxury, there are people suffering out there, not only in Cambodia, but in many other parts. I respect the mission team for reaching to the Cambodians, helping them in whatever ways they could, and sharing the good news of the gospel and Jesus Christ, bringing hope and a purpose to live to a rogue and renegade people. That Paul, the leader, Serene, and her husband, a doctor who works in the prison, Cheryl, Ethel, Rachel, Esther, and the others, would give up their time and work, come out from their comfort zone to help strangers they do not even know, I really thank God for touching their hearts. I will try to aid them in prayer, for I know that going into missions is not an easy task. The recent I went to was in Medan, Indonesia, which was more like a walk in the park. However, I went through many difficulties. I shudder to think what they will face.

Currently, people are being sold, children, at the tender age of 14, are being forced in to prostitution, and in the lawless country, violence is common and aplenty. And, talking about 14, I know of someone very dear to me who is also 14. I think (but not necessarily correctly) that she would most probably shiver at the thought of going overseas to work as a maid, tremble at being sold to work, and before I can finish this sentence, faint at the thought of working as a prostitute... Me too, would definitely die of heart attack at the thought of living in a world of violence. But I cannot condemn the people of Cambodia; they lack hope, they have no vision of this world. Why labor and toil in the fields as a farmer, when prostitution and its trafficking earns you million times more! Did you know that afore mentioned children, both boys and girls are eager to grow up and work as prostitutes!? Their parents raised them up for this purpose, and the poor children conditioned to expect their life to be filled with sex slavery... What inhumanity!

That God would allow all these, I can never be able to understand, not my entire lifetime on earth. He is a worker of miracles, but how has this world been tainted by sin! These are the end times, my friend, and I pray that you will reconsider your religion before you fall prey to the devil! Hopefully, missions like those above will be able to save as many people from perishing in hell before the judgment day begins. And, may you be one of those saved, if you are yet to be, and if you are saved, may you work to save as many as possible, just as Jesus Christ redeemed us, by sacrificing not His time, but His life! Thanks be to God for His indispensable gift!

For if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulder, I know my brother, that He will carry you!
And if He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulder, I know my sister, that He will carry you!

26th May 2007

Ya, and today was the day that our practice paid out. So much for me to learn! Overall, it was a huge success. Ya, Doreen came too, as well as another one of my friend, Shi Yong. Though we faced many problems, such as the food being inadequate to satisfy the taste buds of many people, including my friends, the microphones busting out at the last and most crucial moment, me forgetting my lines, playing the wrong notes, etc... But at least the event touched the lives of many people, including myself. But oh vanity! How hard is it to touch those who have yet to understand! All I wish is that some day, they will...

We see the presence of God, as well as the workings of the Holy Spirit that day, which touched the lives and left an impact on them, especially on the elderly, many of whom their lives have changed more or less. How great is our God, unseen, yet as present as the air we breathe, but just as essential!

Jonathan is a very gifted actor... How easy does his emotions show, and how easy it overwhelms us! For one who knows him since childhood, I really still have got a lot to learn from him! I really respect his aspirations as well as his character. God has made every individual unique, but still knows them so well; even the exact amount of hair in our heads, he knows! And He loves us all, whether we choose to trust in him or not. Like reality, he exists, be it us acknowledging his existence, or to choose not to believe. He is God! The God of Abraham and Issac, of the Israelites, and of yesterday, now and forever! And He is my God! Our God! How great would it be if only the whole world could believe in something more than stone, wood, gold and carved images! Truly, the wisdom of man is but folly to God... Vanity of vanities yet again! That man would have turned from God, so many since birth! How I wish I could do my part to save as many people as possible... If only they could see the reason that I struggle and sacrifice so much of my time to tell them what appears to be a childish fairy tale to them... Oh, the irony!

24th May 2007

I know that I've been falling in love since the day I met her, but I think that I'm falling deeper in love by the day!

Today I met Doreen under our block, where I were to give her some maths tuition. The night before, we had been exchanging very mushy messages, and so did we this afternoon. But when I felt the warmth of her embrace, I found my heart taken away by her. And the various kisses we shared together were magical. The gifts that she always gives me, sweet nothings, hugs, kisses, they are great. But the greatest gift of all that she has given me, if only I could say to her without blushing all red, is "the gift of knowing you."

Though, I must not forget my awesome God as well. That He sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for our sins, such love for us... The Bible even portrays our relationship to God as that similar to a true couple's. What a fool I am, yet again, to not realize the significance of this passage! Doreen, however, helped me realize it. If the love of an unmarried couple can be so amazing, lo, the love of us and God, would be indescribable! Many times, I would pray for my relationship with Doreen to flourish. And flourish it did, flourish beyond my wildest dreams! So much I have learnt! That in truth, the best gift of all I had was to know God, and how great it would be for me, when she finally shares in this gift! As I had asked God to have mercy on me, I bid God have the same mercy on her... So much more I have to learn, for compared to God, I am nothing. To the angels, I am but void. To the great men of faith, I am but vanity! But oh! What precious love of God divine! That saved a wretch like me. I am but young, and still have a long way to go, but how I wish that I could share my life, present and future, and eternity on heaven with her...

But what bids me do, I listen. Because the reason that I was with her was because of God... It all started from a badminton session which the church hosted... And it was God who touched me to tell her the good news, though I've fallen so deeply in love with her before I even started doing so... Ah, so many things to say... May I continue on another day... Till then God bless y'all, and wish that you all will accept the greatest gift of love soon; that of knowing a true God! How Great is our God, so beautiful beyond description! He is most worthy of our praise!

23 May 2007

Yes, I know that my words are very pale. But so am I. If going down with a illness is not enough, my computer also got a virus today! Everything becomes so slow... Then suddenly cannot even start up lorhx, switch on only then will crash.

AND THIS MEANS THAT THIS BLOG IS ALSO INFECTED BY MY VIRUS! QUIT NOW BEFORE IT SPREADS TO YOU!!! WAHAHA!


No larhx, just kidding. I used a command prompt which my bro taught me to use, and effectively removed the virus. Yarhx, I am now an outdated and semi-useless walking and talking anti-virus hardware! Which is why I can even write this post now, if not I would be banging my head on both wall and keyboard. Luckily so, because this is still e-learning week! Now, I still have 3 assignments to go.

Well, this has definitely been a hard week, not just for me, but for Doreen too! She's been complaining of dizziness, and has been showing signs of headaches! Poor thing, she's resting her fragile self now at home, while I'm writing this post. Hope she gets well soon.

But all these difficulties did serve as a lesson for me! It was only then that I remembered to humble myself yet again and seek God for help. I had been too busy doing this and that to remember to seek God for help. My illness had been bugging me for quite some time, and I kept allowing me to frustrate myself over it. I had also been struggling with my computer, trying in vain to fix the problem, and at the same time cursing the malicious source of the virus.

When I finally gave up, I surrendered to God in prayer and allowed him to work in me. No words can really describe what happened with enough detail to convince critics and the common skeptic, but all I can say is that I am now strong enough and able to log on to the internet to write this blog.

The power of prayer is a very potent tool. The Earth trembles and the Oceans roar at its power. Its power originates from God! However, it is very hard for man. even devoted Christians, to fully utilize its power, because of doubt, which is also good, because if every man on Earth were to hold the power of prayer in their hands, I shudder to think what would become of the universe now. So now, with what little faith I have, I am rid of my problems, and I have gained one more. My wish, other than to grow spiritually with my walk with God and to spread the good news of the Gospel to as many people as possible, is to teach Doreen to do the same, but timid as I am, I am afraid to do so. I pray for courage, and the right time to do so.

Prior to this, I've been going through this week alone, grumbling of overstuffed assignments and duties. But now, I have God by my side! Many times, we are too busy in our lives, and tend to forget the main issue in our lives. Too engrossed in money to care for family, too obsessed by lust to remember to trust, too embedded in power to cherish your hour. Would a crowd full of people be able to hear the cricket sounding in the bush? No, but a child can. But if someone were to drop coins on the floor, that same crowd would promptly turn over and look. Dear reader, what are you tuned to hear? Studies? Money? Power? If so, why not family? Care? Love? And most important of all, if one can grasp its significance, God? He has always been there, calling out to you, waiting for you to go to Him. What a wretched fool I was, basking in the dark for so long before going to Him! I bid you not do the same mistake, and use every moment to seek Him earnestly now! How great is our God! He is worthy of our praise! Selah!

21st May 2007

Argh. I woke up only to find myself afflicted with a staggering sore throat. It hurts every time I swallow, but itches more ever so often, forcing me to gag as a reflex action should I fail to swallow... A serious dilemma I'm in here.

Ya, I woke up today only to find that it was way past 7 am, which means that Doreen will be going to school unaccompanied. Sigh.

I managed to complete 2 of my 7 e-learning week projects, which is a good thing. Just 5 more to go. Drive on, baby!

Doreen had CME lesson today, and like I said earlier, at this point of time she will be learning about sexuality. According to her, today's lesson was on BGR, and happily enough, she was always pinpointed by her teacher, one Mr Tang, to answer questions regarding this issue. Apparently, her classmates knew about our relationship and happily chanted my name. Approximately the same time, around 12+, I sneezed. Thrice. Do I see a coincidence? Ya, one of the questions was that if her boyfriend were to suddenly ask her to have sex with her before marriage, what would she do. Her answer, to my dismay, was "I dunno". Ah well. Upon hearing this from her, I pressed on to let her reveal her stand. She said "No, because we are underage." Unsatisfied, I hypothesized that we were in legal age. After more inquisitions from me, and a slight hesitation later, she blurted out a huge "No, because we are not married!" Now, that was the answer I was looking for. Even though she admitted that looking at my behavior, I was not one to do such a thing, and of that I agree, I fear that my thoughts may waver. My greatest concern is that when I am enlisted for National Service, I could be influenced by my roommates, and worse still, living in an all boys only environment, lower my defenses and succumb to temptation. Haix; we guys have one brain, and one penis, but not enough blood to run both! Should that happen, I would require Doreen to be completely steadfast, and reject my "requests" no matter how many times I ask, scold me even, if need be.

Many times I wonder why God has to set such traps for us. Many people call them trials. But the more I ponder, the clearer the mist becomes, though I am afraid it will never completely dissipate. Apparently, when I am reminiscent of my past, I realize that all the time, even though sometimes I fall short of God's desire, He has always been there with me, waiting for me to ask for His help! Ever, he provides an escape route! Only when I solemnly compose myself down, and go to him with total surrender and reveredness, will the problems be solved with the best possible solution, one that no man can think of! This also humbles me, knowing that one cannot achieve much without God! How great is our God, so great and mighty, yet to save a wretch like me! He is most worthy of our praise!

20th May 2007

I thank God tomorrow's e-learning week at SP! That means I won't have to go to report to school! I get to stay at home to rest. But the downside is that I have 7 full scale projects to finish, the easiest of them is a 1000 word essay on something I have no clue about! Which is just as good, for I get a real reason to do online research! Well, I'm am so tired!

Full day at church today, but the sermon's were real good. One would learn to protect themselves from being too obsessed with money! Think about it! If you had a well to do family, as the grand parent, or even great grand parent. Then let's say you suddenly got yourself US$60,000,000! This is a real event that happened, but to a church, when a really rich guy was called home to the LORD and left his property all to the church! The church elders were really stressed, and to make matters worse, even the media and press were sending journalists over to check the situation out. The church had a lot of decisions to make, because many church members were suddenly requesting money from to church to "repair my roof/pay for my son's university/settle my huge credit card debt" etc. As can be easily seen, problems came because the money arrived! Even Christians struggle with matters of life and this "corrupts" a church, but I say that the church was formed to deal with such matters! Just as only the sick require a doctor, only us sinners require Jesus Christ to save us, which is why the church is formed! And, like medicine, requires time and the correct attitudes, as in taking your medicine, not just leaving it on the shelf; thus being, one must attend church, read the bible, and pray! Dear reader, if you ever knew a church, or are in one, and ever think that the church is nothing more than a place where many people as who act kind and sincere, but are as sinister as other people, you may be right! And if you think that your church is becoming worse and not fulfilling to you, you may be correct too. However, it is part of Christian life to struggle with sin, and the way of the world! If God were to suddenly make all people into fully devoted Christians, then wouldn't we be following God not by our own will, because God supposedly forced us into becoming Christians!

Or, if God were to let everyone see clearly through some miracle the wonders of getting to know Christ and accept him as our personal Saviour, then wouldn't we all be zombie like Christians, following God only because the rewards, walking by faith and not by sight!? A fortiori, this would truly be the vanity of vanities, for Christianity would lose its true meaning!
That said, I belief God has miraculous ways of working, which we will not be able to truly grasp. If we could, then God would be no more different than us men. Thus, God is sovereign because of us not being able to fully comprehend him, unbeknownst to many of us! Praise God, for he is truly great!

As Christians, we would always be demanding for a better church. We think that other churches are better, and thus forget that all churches have problems. Just as a foolish man would learn of the flaws of his wife, demand a divorce for a better woman, only to find out later on that that woman has her own flaws also, causing a life of regret and remorse. As for us, if we do lack the strong will to bear with the bad side of our church, moving to another one would do little satisfy us. However, if we have patience, and search for your own calling in your own church, God will definitely touch you! Remember, He put you in that particular church for a reason! Do not dishonor your Father by moving away from it, unless you are very sure God is calling you to!
Back to the sermon; in the end, the pastor of the church made a very wise decision. He gave the money all away; 40 million was distributed to all other churches, 12 million given to the needy around the world, and 4 million into a bank account, the interest of which being US$10,000. This interest would then be given to the needy around the world like the 12 million. Actually, this amount of US$10,000 was also to commemorate the late brother who gave the money to church, because such was his yearly contribution. The remaining 4 million was to be deposited into the church fund, supporting the expansion of the church, but this decision was abolished. Instead, the 4 million was added to the 12 million also, making the total amount 16 million, plus an additional 10 thousand annually. The end result: the church kept not a single cent. This also meant that the expansion of the church was to be funded by the accumulated offerings of the church members.

I really thought this to be a real waste, giving away 60 million just like that! Twas a fortune which I may not be able to see! But inasmuch as I try to think of the logic behind the pastor's actions, the more I realize that the wisdom of man is but folly to God! Because the pastor prayed and seeked God's counsel, he removed all problems concerning money matters. Only because of the money, problems arised and many people threw away God, caring less of growing spiritually but more concerned of looking at how the money will be settled, ever hoping that they would get a share. On the other hand, if they had hitero usurped the money, unending arguments would have arised, and the church would really crumble! The giving of the money not only solved the problem immediately, but also thought the church a valuable lesson! Never let money rule you! And never lust for more than you need! This was a real case where "having more is less, but having less, is more!"

This is but one of the many lessons to learn in life, and many more I will learn through God's Word! And if you a Christian, nay, even if you be an unbeliever yet, may you take home this lesson, of cherishing what you have, and not be unsatisfied with what you have! Truly, what do you have that you did not receive!

19th May 2007

Ouch. Today was a very hard day. Jogging (walking actually) with Doreen early in the morning. Then had to go church to rehearse tomorrow's main service, because I'm the pianist. That was from 10 to 12. Next, I went straight to play badminton with some church friends. We played from 1 to 2. We then had lunch, then I was summoned at 3 to report to church straight away for the training of Sunday school teachers. I was to be the accompanist, and the other teachers were to act as little kids. Extremely exhilarating, seeing the teachers mimic their own students! The session was until 6, after which I was to rehearse for an event on 26th May, Saturday. Once again, I was to be the pianist, as well as one of the actors of a skit. Hopefully, through this event, more people will learn about churches and Christianity. Praise God for His abundant grace and mercy! So, my day ended at 10.30 at church, tucking in to sleep at 11.30. I went home with a fever, headache, sore throat and eyes, and an irritating blocked nose, but feeling more fulfilled, renewed, and with a purpose in life, and a goal to reach for, that being the service of a great God, who has blessed me and redeemed my life too many times for me to count!


(Note: This draft was written on 20th May. Hey! You can't expect me to write this blog midnight! I've got church to attend on Sunday morning! =P)

18th May 2007

Blasted contraptions! And starting a blog was supposed to be a breeze!? Haix...
And they say technology was meant to benefit history, but here I am getting hooked unto the blogging world.

Life in SP is very interesting! But next week is e-learning week... Everyone learning at home... Sounds great! If only there wasn't that many assignments. Full scale projects, one for each module, seven in all! That's Diploma in Music and Audio Technology for you. But maybe it ain't that bad... I believe there are people out there who must do worse... So let us count our blessings.


And my gf, Doreen, was acting whether strange today... Actually she has become rather horny of late... Ya, I remember when I was in sec 2. The same time, when after exams, schools teaching sexuality education. Puberty stage, hormones all acting up. Had to tell her my stand of me being steadfast against premarital sex and all. It's great to know she shares my stand. I thank God for that! Otherwise, let her have fun growing up. We still have a long way to go, whether it be a walk of faith together or alone... But I prefer it together! =P