1st of October 2008

Today is a rather special day. It is the People's Republic of China's National Day, as well as Hari Raya Puasa. Both holidays pertaining to the two major races of my country, yet not many local Chinese would know of Mao Zedong's declaration of PRC.

Anyway, today is also Children's Day and Isaac's birthday. What a coincidence.

This holiday season, I've probed many things, but among others, I found the value of leaving words unsaid, patience being more than just a virtue, and the realization that the first step to becoming someone you wish to become is to admit that you're not that someone yet.

Other than that, I've learnt the importance of not expecting to be treated differently. The reasoning behind that will be left for another day, but I'll still put this here just to remind myself should I come poring over these old archives!

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
And if you are Christ's, then you are Abraham's offspring, heirs according to promise.

27th September 2008

Ah, I wonder what I should spend my remaining holidays on? Let's see whether I can do something really productive...

0.o
o.0
???

7th August 2008

Wow wow wow! Everyone presented their own songs on Tuesday; it was breathtaking! Seriously, 1/3 of the songs played can be hit songs! But then, my song sucked because I sang it, but still got good grade because of mixing and recording techniques, ahaha...

The best song was by this super experienced classmate, who has got his own recording studio at home; and his song was epic! Classically trained choir voice for padding, excellent synthesizer comping, stellar violin played by a very talented guy, but okay piano, and super drums; the mix being so good with that sense of space expertly set, is was really great!

Can't wait for next year, where we get to learn on evenly spacing out mixes and such!

4th May August

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Just four more days to end of all the projects! Then one more slack week to one and a half months of holidays!

Hang in there!

===
Anyway, Festival of Praise was awesome! And to think that I thought Saturday was awesome, Sunday was totally beyond description! Me and Jonathan were very startled when we heard a tune that sounded like the intro of Swithcfoot's On Fire being played by Parachute Band as their first song. Then we went warm and fuzzy all over when they the song indeed is On Fire! And soon enough, we went totally "OMG!" when people all over the stadium joined in the song instantaneously after the first three words "I'm on fire" were sung. Like, so many people know this song!?

And then the sermon was earthshaking, as usual, and there was a finale that the previous days did not have; both the Parachute Band and Hillsong team joined in a super combo! Then there were like this crazy section at the beginning of the end, where both drummers caused the whole stadium to tremble for like 32 bars of fanfare; they passed the limelight between each other, with perfect synchronization! They even doubled the kick drum by having one play on the upbeat, with the other on the offbeat (which is actually quite difficult), and the combined kicks were so fast it sounded like a canon with a machine gun firing mechanism!

The finale started off with the phrase "Shine your light and let the whole world see; we're singing for the glory of the risen king!" and then the heart warming "Saviour, He can move the mountains; My God is mighty to save, Jesus; mighty to save". It was utterly indescribable how powerful it was. The gates were opened and people started running to the floor, and everywhere around the stadium, people jumped, and the platform we were in started to creak, but we did not mind that. The famous riff of "Salvation is Here" sparked the next movement, and there were instances where a guy from Hillsong held the chords of the guitar while another person from Parachute Band strummed the same guitar. It was hilarious, inspiring and heartwarming all in one! And lo and behold, "One Way" started, and it was really long, this one. I won't even bother to describe it. I'd say, if heaven was praising God like this for eternity, I can't wait to tell the world that Jesus lives!

14th July 2008

As usual, after school every Monday, I went for the lesson at my piano teacher's house. Everything seemed normal until when I went inside the bungalow and started to put down my bag, I spotted from the corner of my eye, a rectangular shape of fur running towards me. Inevitably, it bumped into my feet and recoiled a little from the sudden halt. Then it stood on its hind legs and started prodding its nose at my legs, and next my feet; even my bag could not escape its inescapable snout. From a whole day of school, as well as a recent 10 minutes walk under the sun, my socks were definitely admittedly smelly. Yet that wasn't deterrence enough for that tough little fella.

Cut a long story short, my piano teacher's family got themselves a papillon puppy! Standing at a proud 30 cm, with a long silky black and white coat, a bushy tail that curves over its back, and ears shaped like the wings of a butterfly, I met 3 months old Noah. Will upload pictures next week! My phone ran out of battery. -_-"

While I walked the gauntlet up to the teaching room at the second floor, that little pipsqueak tailed behind my legs, sometimes, to my horror sneaking in between my moving legs. If it could think like me, it would most probably be saying "olé!" to itself. Multiple puppy horror moments later, the maid promptly appeared and carried it away.

The same thing happened after the lesson when I was about to leave. It smelled me coming, raised its head from its prone position like all dogs do when they sense something approaching, got up to its legs and tiptoed towards my position. My evasive maneuvers were no match for its superior strafing skills, and I was soon assaulted by its olfactory organ once more. Don't ask me what that means, check dictionary.com! That's where I get all these cool but weird words from.

Today's event brought back a lot of memories, to more than twelve years ago, when I entered the very same house, mini umbrella in hand poised and ready to strike on any delinquent canine. I heard a high pitched bark, and distinguished those menacing butterfly ears. Soon after, little Mozart came charging out of the door, circled yours truly, who was trying my utmost best effort to defend myself from the cage of its white and black blur. Well, at least that was all I recall.

I might reminisce that truly, time motivates the unseen finger to turn the pages of my version of the world's story, and every now and then, a new chapter begins. Even though mine has only begun 18 years ago, many things have happened, that up to date, still continue to amaze and touch me.

I witnessed Mozart, another papillon puppy from an earlier age, grow to become the hero guardian of the house it was. It, too, observed me grow into the big bulk that I am now. Well not exactly now, because it passed away roughly two years ago.

I can't explain the emotion that I'm feeling right now. It isn't really grief, nor is it nostalgia, but it still gives me teary eyes. Though other than breed, they are not really related, but still, in Noah's eyes, I see Mozart's ghostly visage. The past comes floating through my mind; youthful exuberance, crazy fantasies and Friday nights; shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys.

I wonder where do such faithful pets go after they die. Would I see Mozart, Noah, Iggy or even Teddy many years from now? Nevertheless, I trust God's perfect plan. Once again, somehow seemingly unrelated events cause me to stand in awe of God.

It rains because time passes by, never to be seen again. Yet the sun shines, as time has been God's tool in molding me into what I am. Thus, there is a rainbow in my heart.

For the first time; ShiningBlade, signing off. God bless.

2nd July 2008

Life is never easy. A lot of things to have to handle with, it's really taxing. Gotta juggle so many things, and sudden changes in our life are not easy to deal with. Indeed, as soon as I was born into this world; as soon as everyone is born into this world, hearts beat. It cannot stop for even a few minutes without putting lives in danger. This goes on and on, for years; maybe fifty, maybe sixty, maybe seventy. Could be much less, or much more. But as long as you live, your heart cannot rest, until the day you die; by then you would not even notice it stop. Life is never easy.

But then, God knew me before my heart started beating. Well, he knew me even before I was formed in my mother's womb. I dare admit that He knows me more than I know myself. He knows what I really need, not what I think I need. My life is changing everyday, every possible way. How God shapes me, it's just wonderful; indescribable. Even though I am still not perfect; I doubt I will ever be, it still inspires me how just one single classmate has changed so much and had been so willing to come to Christ. How humble he is, I must learn. So sincere and poor in spirit is he. Even though he has bad habits and must learn to be patient, and good-tempered I can see miracles happening everyday. Thank you God for such wonderful experiences.

Cranberries - Dreams
Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you

Then I open up and see
The person fumbling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
They’ll come true, impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
For what I couldn’t find

Talk to me amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
’cause you’re a dream to me
Dream to me

You can download this song for free at http://www.paradise-engineering.com/quotation/dreams.html
It's really nice, recommend it.

21 June 2008

O Thou, the Breath, the Light of All,

Let this Light create a heart-shrine within.

And you Counsel rule 'til Oneness guides all'.

Your One desire then acts with ours, as in all light, so in all forms.

Grant what we need, each day, in bread and insight.

Loose the cords of mistakes binding us, as we release the strands we hold of other's faults.

Don't let surface things delude us.

But keep us from unripe acts.

To you belongs the ruling mind,

the life than can act and do,

the song that beautifies all,

from age to age it renews.

In faith, I will to be true.

This is a translation of the Lord's Prayer from Syriac Aramaic, which is possibly the closest existing version to the prayer that Jesus spoke, in contrast to the more common "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your Name" translation.

I remember that a few days ago, I visited Isaac's house, straight after piano lesson. Being the wuss that I am, I was very straightforward in declaring my state of hunger, since I hadn't eaten breakfast, and lunchtime was almost over. My polar opposite in terms of noisiness, he very promptly fried a bowl of ham and eggs for me. I was took over by surprise, both by his hospitality and his culinary skills (okay, as well as the overwhelming portion of oil... Just kidding!). All in all, I didn't manage to achieve much in terms of tutoring Isaac. I guess I make a better comedian, but then I wouldn't do very well with such a career choice anyway. Isaac, what you really need now, is to put effort in. Read aloud, and refrain from excessive internet surfing. More specifically, anime. I believe you'll have all the time in the world to watch afterwards. At least until the start of tertiary education. =)

I personally hoped that he would be able to join us for the retreat/camp on next Friday though. It really rocks to be able to have friends who stay true with you even after ending education. Close friends, with whom I can talk about, more than the best skills to use in DoTA or Company of Heroes, more than what to do or where to go after class or CCA, more than the chio bu sitting opposite the classroom (XD).

But of course, such a fellowship isn't always peaceful and smooth. True, our planet is prone to natural disasters, but in my opinion, EVERYTHING that is on this world is afflicted with "earth"-quakes and tsunamis. Electrical devices, schoolwork, politics, marriage, etc. So this is where prayer comes in.

My friends, I beseech you once more. Pray for me. I don't want to leave a bad influence on others. I don't want to be insincere. I don't want to be the cause of heated arguments. I want to be a better ambassador of Christ in my school, and that I would not feel pressurized and discouraged when pre-believers mock me. This vessel of mine wants to be a servant to the only person who sees clearly all the sides of me, not just the good, nor just the bad, but the wretched and broken side of me.

There are so many prayer meetings globally that many of us would know the power of prayer. That doesn't mean that when more people pray, there would be more favor/power/mana to ensure success of the prayer. What I'm convicted in, however, is that whenever I pray for others, whenever I join in such prayer meetings, my faith is strengthened. Praying for others does not set me apart from the rest; it keeps me humble, helps me feel significant, and influences me to rely more on Him. So, my brothers and sisters, would you pray with me?

My life may be shaken by storms, and the boat we travel in may be shaken by the devil, but I'm so glad I have Him in my life, and He uses weak people like me to be glorified and show his omnipotence in creating order from chaos. And I just wanted to remind you; you have God in your life too! With Christ in the vessel, we can smile at the storm!

11th June 2008

I'm thinking of an idea to write a song for my assignment. But I am in a loss here. Maybe I need inspiration. So, I wanted to compose a song with the title of "Let the Healing Begin", but found out that the title was already taken up. So maybe I will name it "Let it Regenerate". Lyrics? I need help. Let's see...

Verse 1
I'll dwell no longer in this ward of mine
The bill's too high for my folks
It'll be his birthday 'fore the week is past
When I am gone, will he love me too

Verse 2
All he asked was a world without strife
He saw refugee camps, hostile guards and rats
An altar call to be a human bomb
The news reported, "Children killed in suicide attack"

Pre-chorus 1
Why, O Lord, do you stand far away
Why do you hide in our times of dismay

Chorus 1
Have we alienated from ourselves
Diverted one another
It's time to stop our running
Let it Regenerate

Bridge
The Being that can act and do
The Song that beautifies all things
The Hand that picks everyone off from the floor
And has the strength to carry all

Pre-chorus 2
What must I do, to renew our broken hearts
What can we do, to bring hope to this fallen land

Chorus 2
Have we alienated from ourselves
Diverted one another
It's time to face all our fears
Let it Regenerate
Hear my call, my brother
I need you here by my side
Hear my call, my sister
We're not in this alone

My first verse saw it's inspiration from a note left over by a married female who was 59 years of age. She stayed in hospital for more than two months and her condition was worsening despite of expensive treatment. She committed suicide days before his husband's birthday. (http://www.well.com/~art/suicidenotes.html)

My second verse was from from a poem I once read by Richard Macwilliam which talked about how the media always depicts terrorists as pure bad guys, but does not reveal their side of the story; of how the strong shows the weak no generosity other than in being more significant.

The first pre-chorus can be found in Psalms 10:1 by King David. He cries out because of all the wickedness and arrogance present in the world, yet understands that the time is not yet right for judgment to be passed.

The chorus was from a Crossroads meeting (part of my CCA) I went, and the speaker reasoned and logically deduced how we've alienated from nature, from one another, and ourselves.

The bridge was formed in awe and wonder of God, though his actions and "passivity" are beyond our understanding, never fails to deliver in the end.

The second pre-chorus was born from the need of so many people around the world, and the sudden realization of how insignificant I am.

The final part comes from a phrase I always keep inside my heart. "If He carried the weight of the world upon his shoulder, I know, my brother, that He will carry you; if He carried the weight
of the world upon his shoulder, I know, my sister, that He will carry you."

Argh. Hopefully this song can be accepted for the assignment. Argh. So long a song. Tune or comments, anyone?

9th June 2008

赐自由的灵啊，求你来
来到我的里面，来到我的生命
赶走生活中的愁烦
驱走我心中的不安
你的灵啊，在哪里
哪里就有自由
世界虽有劳苦重担
求你灵来赐我自由

4th June 2008

I listened to a story that talked about a guy operating a bridge over a river in Pennsylvania; whose job was to raise the bridge when a ship wanted to cross, and lower the bridge if a train was approaching to get to the other side. One day, he brought his grandson to his workplace, so that the little guy could observe his grandfather's workplace. However, unbeknownst to them, the last train scheduled for that day was to be late. As they waited for the train to approach, the grandson insisted on fishing from the superstructure of the bridge. After repeated requests, the grandfather finally allowed his son to go; provided that he stay within his sight. When the train finally came, the grandfather activated the mechanism to lower the bridge, but lost sight of the boy. Much later, he saw his grandson's baggy overalls caught in the gear assembly that elevated the bridge. By then, it was too late to stop the lowering bridge without causing the train to fall into the river. Left without a choice, he saw his grandson crushed to death before the train passed over the river. Back then, those people were not aware of the sacrifice the bridge operator had done to allow them to live.

The full story can be read in http://www.thesonsetrefuge.org/Newsletters/Newsletter%203.pdf
At the section; A God of Sacrifice.

For someone who sacrificed his own grandson to save the lives of people he didn't know; it isn't easy. It's touching, but ultimately it makes us think.

So, i just want to pray to God for all the things that I've been through.

Lord, we need your grace and mercy
We need to pray like never before
We need the power of your Holy Spirit
To open heaven's door

Lord, we humbly come before you
We don't deserve of you what we ask
But we yearn to see your glory
Restore this dying land

Spirit touch your church, stir the hearts of men
Revive us, Lord, with your passion once again
I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me
Let your rain fall upon me,
Let your rain fall upon me

22nd May 2008

You see, one of my friends in my class also started learning guitar not too long ago. Then he was trying play a D minor chord. Yup, even though it looks easy, it stretched the fingers and causes quite a lot of strain.

The top string, the highest sounding note, is normally tuned to play an E note during an open string state. Hence, it is commonly referred to as an "E-string". However, some girl in my class had a bad habit of mistakenly calling it a "G-string". I have no idea why, but I guess that the G chord is one of the easiest to play, and during that chord, the top string plays a G note.

Anyway, the above mentioned guy (he's a very good friend of mine, and was sitting next to me) seemed to have strained both his fingers and the strings, the top string snapped off with a resounding "twang" in the middle of class. Because that girl was sitting on next to the other side of him, and was observing him struggling, she knew what happened. So when the whole class was startled, she announced out loudly across the entire room.

"He broke a G-string while fingering a minor!"

16th May 2008

Dots once again went gym with Jony, Mett and Ming. This time the cousins brought along a friend, Joey. Expended all my energy running 3.4km in exactly 20 minutes; both meters reached showed those values within a fraction of a second. Still trying hard to make Emmett run. Wow, Jonathan's really strong. Then went Hougang Mall to eat. Why not coffee shop? Cheaper lehx. I no money liao, still need to pay $8 for someone's birthday gift... Not that I'm against it, but all these money issues always seem to have impeccable timing and occur simultaneously! Well, it's for a good cause, though. =)

I came down from the steps, lifted my head, and I saw her. She smiled at me, and I smiled at her. I was too surprised to do anything. I walked past her. And that's it. It's already been quite a while, I wonder whether your feelings are still there? Should I continue to wait on or leave for someone else?

8th May 2008

The practice on 24th April went okay. We chose this Chinese song, with two vocalists, one clarinet and one keyboard for tomorrow's performance. I still remember, I used this little keyboard, plugged in to an amplifier. I'll admit it wasn't the best of equipment, but I've always been in much worse situations. Well, ya gotta make do with what ya got. So, the practice went smoothly, and after the practice, we had a little discussion where everyone voiced out their views, and suggested areas of improvement.

Well, today we had a "rehearsal" on the actual venue, the Moberly Amphitheater. Well, it's the second time I'm performing on that place, but I clearly don't remember the setting up of equipment taking two whole hours. It's just two keyboards, three mikes at most, one drum set which had two overhead mikes, two guitars, one bass and their amps. 2 hours; 120 minutes; 7200 seconds. Maybe it's the weather, or I suppose I was in a hurry for Campus Crusade's Vision Tea meeting, where me and David were in the worship team. That went smoothly, I might add. But anyway, for some reason that I also don't know, my group got to go inside Moberly Jamming studio and we polished on the vocalist's harmonics.

I think most people notice that when I play that light hearted Chinese song 发现爱, I tend to bounce my hands, so-called just bang random notes on the keyboard. While, most of the time. Yes, I understand that it's a bad habit, and that I shouldn't do it, but I can't help but just doing so like some beginner keyboardist, since the vocalists tend to give quite an eye treat. One male and one female, for the curious. I admit I'm wrong for taking this performance too light heartedly. But then, one of my seniors, a graduate was listening to us play. I had no problem with that, but after rehearsing once, and he definitely noted me play, because he left his seat and stood next to me, he made a few intriguing remarks.

"Are you self taught?"
"Nope."
"Are you classically trained?"
"Yup."
"I suppose you were classically trained by a teacher quite some time ago. Anyway, you tend to hold the sustain pedal until the end of the bar, which is alright, but if you play a wrong note, there would be dissonance."
"Okay."
"You should also look at the others when you are playing."
"No problem."
"Anyway, your technique is wrong."
"Hmm... Okay."

Fact is, I'm classically trained, and I still take piano lessons from my piano teacher and get her valuable guidance, mentoring and advice once per week in her house in Siglap, near Kembangan every Monday. Since playing the main accompaniment in the Angklung Ensemble during Primary 4, I've been trained to look at conductors or other members, even horizontally by using my peripheral vision. The reason I was able to hold down the pedal even during the most of the changing of chords was because there was no wrong note. Not that I could hear any, and many of those those chords fit together to form 9th or suspended chords, like C and G makes C9, used abundant in these "in the air" and romantic melodies, so no need to change the pedal prematurely. Yes, my technique for that song is wrong. Even 6 year olds can tell that playing with only my index finger (in some parts) and waving my arms with fingers straight as though I'm splashing water on a strangely dry pool that happened to have black and white keys, and very frequently releasing the keys instantly and using the sustain pedal to hold the notes are not quite professional ways of playing a keyboard.

I have performed enough times, be it in churches (children's/youth's/senior citizen's/main service/overseas etc), school events, posh concert halls full of paying adult audiences, music school's anniversary celebrations, simple gatherings in quite a few people's houses with derelict pianos where I had to play G, C and F# to get a chord sounding like C chord 2nd inversion. I've also accompanied choirs, played in bands, got last minute event fillers in between stage items, got dragged into pianos during dinner time and given song requests, title after title. If the person's unlucky, he's gotta hum or sing me the tune before I know what song he or she wants. Well, I can say that there are an abundance of very good musicians not just globally, but even in Singapore. And all that playing of the piano for more than 12 years has at least taught me not to declare out loud and after the performance the deficiencies of a musician not in your group or under your teaching, much less if it's only the first time.

Okay, maybe I'm going a little hard on this poor guy; I assume he only meant well. Ya, but we humans tend to remember only the bad stuff others say. But today was a great wake up call, reminding me of the need to be humble, and to stay focused in whatever I do. Of course, I'm the one to blame for my own inner strife. This event was not too bad, but many times in reality, the truth hurts, but then, the truth alone can't do much. What would really help would be the truth accompanied by love.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

"Oh ya, and one last thing."
"Aha?"
"I like the way you just anyhow hit the keyboard, but you still sound alright and in sync with the others!"
=)

6th May 2008

There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters. Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give.

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. Like the glaze covering an earthen vessel are fervent lips with an evil heart. Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling. A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

Metallica

... So many things happening, nothing to write about. These two events are mutually unacceptable, but who cares? Nothing Else Matters.

21st April 2008

How do I know all these things, you ask? Well, it takes one to know one. =)
Six more weeks until a holidays, but it also means less than six weeks till the deadline of so many projects.

You have turned my mourning into dancing, you have turned my sorrow into joy!

Just that it takes so long to realize it, and I tend to forget this frequently.

13th April 2008

Argh, before I even know it, school's already starting tomorrow. It's been four months since I last felt the Sunday Blues/School Blues/Blue's Clues/Whatever you call it. Ah well, at least one of my juniors in my secondary school CCA is taking the same course as me, a year my junior again. Haha, I can't wait to check out how all my juniors are like. =P

7th April 2008

Lots of pigeons can be found around my house. Sneaky little fellows. They always watch you with one eye. You walk beyond that eye's field of vision, they turn their head and look at you with the other eye. Seems pretty awkward to me. How would you feel if I closed one eye and stared at you as you walked past me, later to find me looking at you with the other solitary eye?

Argh, school reopening next week. Looking at the bright side, I finally get to cut my hair; because I stupidly vowed to have it cut when school reopened.

27th March 2008

Before I even know it, it's already Thursday. Gotta go two places today.

Faust, Midas and Myself is a song written by Switchfoot. When I found out what the names in the title represent, I was more than duly impressed. In German legend, Faust was a person who made a pact with the devil to attain the zenith of human happiness, at which point his soul may be taken. Midas, who is best remembered for the Midas touch, was a king who could turn whatever he touched into gold. In the end, even the food he was about to eat, as well as the people he touched, also turned into gold.

Myself referred to the composer, who placed himself into the shoes of these legends. He described how something lacks and the subsequent consequences. "A heart of gold can't really beat at all."

22nd March 2008

10 days left until my best friend returns from Philippines. Of course, I have many best friends also other than him!

My bed is way too comfortable. I should stuff some wooden blocks inside the mattress to make it more up to mark. I want to wake up; this is not my Singaporean Dream. Yups, you've gots to be asleep to experience it.

'Ere we go, if ten people think you're drunk, don't drive. Up yours!

Passivity

6th March 2008

Argh. The more I read into His word, the more I realize how much I am falling way short of His standard. I really need to redouble my efforts, and must surrender to Him my wicked self.

I gotta cool it with my temper, that's a start. As for reconciling with my brother before offering my gift on the altar, I know too well how guilty as charged I am. My intentions alone, not the action itself in many situations are liable for judgment. It is not to be supposed that Christ intended the dismemberment of limbs and gouging of eyes to be taken literally, but abandoning our dearest objects that causes us to sin is so much harder than thought. Self-denial and sacrifice is impossible without divine aid.

Do not take oaths, that sounds easy enough. But letting a yes be yes, a no be no is going to take a very very long time to apply. Aha, so someone who wants to sue me and take my tunic should be offered my cloak. That's easy to say. Going two miles for someone who forces me to go one mile sounds easy; I walk quite a lot to Houggang Mall just for fun. However, I doubt it would be easy to do that for someone without mumbling five words for every step I take.

There are like so many beggars around the world, where can I find all the money to give them all? I think I'm really gonna be in big trouble if some guy wants to borrow the piano in my house for use elsewhere. If it's at my house, I'll gladly oblige, but how am I supposed to dismantle such a big object to fit through my narrow door to be towed away...
But of course, I too doubt that the passage meant this; here is e-sword's explanation.

This is the general rule. It is better to give sometimes to an undeserving person than to turn away one who is really in need. It is good to be in the habit of giving. At the same time, the rule must be interpreted so as to be consistent with our duty to our families and with other objects of justice and charity. It is seldom, perhaps never, good to give to a person who is able to work. To give to such is to encourage laziness, and to support the idle at the expense of the industrious. If such a one is indeed hungry, feed him; if he needs anything further, give him employment. If a widow, an orphan, a man of misfortune, or an infirmed man, lame, or sick, is at your door, never send any of them away empty. So this is true of a poor and needy friend that wishes to borrow. We are not to turn away or deny him. This deserves, however, some limitation. It must be done in consistency with other duties. To lend to every worthless man would be to throw away our property, encourage laziness and crime, and ruin our own families. It should be done consistently with every other obligation, and of this everyone is to be the judge. Perhaps our Saviour meant to teach that where there was a deserving friend or brother in need, we should lend to him without usury, and without standing much about the security.

But, it's still hard to be perfect; the only way is to look for help from someone who is already perfect, our heavenly Father. His blessings are great and the rewards stored in heaven. Of course, I don't wanna give the impression that I'm doing all these for reward points, but my human nature remarks that they might give my efforts a little boos, hahas. :-)

So much to abandon, even more to learn, God Bless!

4th March 2008

Argh, slept all the way till 3pm today. Been a long time since I slept like that.

Maybe cos it's the holidays
Maybe cos it's the headache
Maybe cos everything's cleared up

Oh my sky, i told Wei Jie we've got a little meeting through an sms, then he replied that there was a car accident just next to his house on 6.40 (I'm guessing morning). I suppose the way I felt was a little bit surprised; I reckon it's no different when Emmett asked me where I was in a message last week since he was free and wanted to play, and I replied I was in a funeral.


Anyway, I later found no one he knew was involved in it, and he told me that it must have felt very thrilling to be in sandwiched in between 3 or 4 cars. I was incredulous. He followed up by feeling sad for the kids in the car, and also remarked that there was a baby in one of the cars.

Maybe I'll find out more about his opinions and feelings on Sunday; he told me he wouldn't mind me inquiring a little bit more about it.

2nd March 2008

Blame it on what you've been though
Blame it on what you're into
Blame it on your religions
Blame it on politicians

I have no generation
Show me my motivation
One world one desperation
One hope and one salvation

We've been blowing up
We're the issue
It's our condition

We've been blowing up
We're the issue
Our detonation

Look what a mess we've made of love
Look what a mess we've made,
We've got ourselves to blame
Look what a bomb we've made of love.

We've been blowing up
We're the issue
We're ammunition
We're ammunition
We're ammunition
We are the fuse and ammunition.

26th February 2008

Jon Foreman came out with a few solo albums; Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer EP, whereby it's not a rock band that is involved; Jon wanted some time alone for more intimate and soul searching thoughts. This is when Jon Foreman opens up to everyone, and talks about his faith. Those looking for fun pop tunes can look at any number of Switchfoot's releases, but Foreman taps into the more frail elements of human nature and the spiritual realm on his solo material. A lot of Switchfoot fans will now get to know the God that Jon Foreman believes in. He's formalizing his faith now. The songs are all acoustic.

The first song of the Winter EP is Learning How to Die. Here are Jon's handwritten lyrics of the song.

26th February 2008

Came back from a chalet; before that went for a funeral.

Life begins at the intersection; what direction now!?

Salvaging from the spiritual shipwreck; I want to wake up without a touch of gold.

The flowers cut and brought inside
Black cars in a single line
Your family in suits and ties
And you’re free

The ache I feel inside
Is where the life has left your eyes
I’m alone for our last goodbye
But you’re free

I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone
Oh I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
And until I’m with you, I carry on

Adrift on your ocean floor
I feel weightless numb and sore
A part of you and me is torn
You’re free

I woke from a dream last night
I dreamt that you were by my side
Reminding me I still had life
In me

I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone
Oh I remember you like yesterday
Yesterday
And until I’m with you, I carry on

I’ll carry on, I’ll carry on

Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone

Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, yesterday
So long my friend, so long

19th February 2008

The term "awakening dream" is an oxymoron. Pointedly(oxy) stupid(moron). But it really rings true to me, so maybe I'm an oxymoron too.

Anyways, there are many good reads on Christian apologetics that I've come across. One will soon realize that they are never a solution formula in itself. More questions would arise and reopen previous seemingly sealed cases. But they are a good kick start to the concept of an infinite God requiring infinite solutions that only an infinite wisdom could suffice. Ah well, talking in circles again.

It's not everyday that you get a dream like that twice in a row.

10th February 2008

Watched a movie with the church youths today. A boy, who was actually played by a girl, is the son of Stephen Chow, an impoverished widower. It was one of the more meaningful movies I've watched (compared to the last few horror movies that some of us viewed).

The movie reminded me of the gospel though. There was one scene whereby this unseen hand placed a "battery" into this green gooey ball. The ambiance was akin to that of outer space. Following that, I had the impression that this furry creature (which it later transformed into) was sent into Earth, not to be served, but to serve. Initially, the boy who owned this "pet" believed it to have magical powers, but was disappointed when it did not create any device for the boy to cheat in his exam nor any trainer shoes to make him athletically invincible. The end result was that the poor creature was widely scorned and ill-treated by the boy. Towards the end, the boy's father suffered from a tragic accident and died, only to be "redeemed" from death by the sacrifice of the fur ball, who exchanged its own life for its owner's father. A couple of days mourning for the loss of his poor toy later, this UFO appeared and brought this fur ball back to the little boy back to him (as well as a comedic twist of having hundreds of similar fur balls to the entire community), which was giving me an impression that the fur ball resurrected.

What was more intriguing was the way the appearance of this toy changed the situation that the boy lived in, as well as the people around him. All's well that ends well, as Shakespeare would say. Apparently, what was more striking was the portrayal of how the boy, after the sacrifice of the fur ball, realized what a "sinner" he was, and had quite a huge change of heart, now determined to listen to his father and to uphold the moral and ethics that he emphasizes (we may be poor, but we don't steal, fight, etc.), as well as study hard and grow to become a fine man useful to the society.

Not a single person I asked shared the same view. Woah, maybe I'm just thinking too much.

9th February 2008

:-):-S:$;-D:-o;):-PB-)

What was I thinking!? Er, I'm just following a certain pastor's wife's peculiar habit of adorning text messages with a myriad of similes, who also just came back from East Malaysia today. She also stated she missed us, even though it was only one week!

God Bless and belated CNY

Stars

Lyrics:
Maybe I’ve been the problem
Maybe I’m the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself the outcome feels the same
I’ve been thinking maybe I’ve been partly cloudy
Maybe I’m the chance of rain
And maybe I’m overcast
And maybe all my luck’s washed down the drain

I’ve been thinking about everyone
Everyone you look so lonely

But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars
I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I’ve been thinking about the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home

I’ve been thinking about everyone
Everyone you look so empty

Everyone, everyone, we feel so lonely
Everyone, everyone, we feel so empty

When I look at the stars I feel like myself
When I look at the stars I see someone

1st February 2008

Eek! It was only now that I noticed that for a lot of my previous posts, I labeled their year as 2007! Yes, I know that if I add a suffix of st/nd/rd/th behind the date, I must include and of, to make it something like 1st of February. But damn it, I'm not cut out for this. XD

Switchfoot paid a visit to Temasek Junior College before their performance at Max Pavilion, where I was. Aww, how I wish I was there.

I went for the Switchfoot Live in Singapore Concert yesterday! Me, Jony, Yuan and Yuan's friend, Julian. Switchfoot's first album was The Legend of Chin, because at first the band was called Chin Up, after a friend called Willis Chin. This also follows Isaiah 6, where we first look up to God, before looking inside and then outside ourselves.

"We called our album Legend of Chin out of respect for our friend back in San Diego," says drummer Chad Butler. "He's such a great guy. A real smiler, too. The kind of guy who always has his chin up!" (Pun intended.)

"Willis is definitely one of our heroes," says guitarist-songwriter Jon Foreman. "He's so real and so consistent in living out his faith. He's no fake. And that's what we hope our album is all about—about being real, no matter what the situation or circumstance."

"And we are trying to show people where true hope is found," says bassist Tim Foreman. "And Willis knows exactly where his hope is found."

"Then there's our song, 'Ode to Chin,'" says Chad. "It's a tribute to Willis. It's about being accountable to someone like Willis. ... This song is also about keeping your eyes on the Lord."

Chin also plays in a band called Movement Oust, and you can sometimes find him leading worship at Calvary Chapel North Coast in San Diego, CA.

Then Jony kept on rubbing his chin when I told him that. Hilarious.

Damn, you can already go to youtube, search for Switchfoot Singapore, and videos are already uploaded. The entrance said no video and audio recording, but at least 10% of the crowd took out their mobile phones as soon as Switchfoot started their first song.

It was a bit of a screw up. We reached at 6+, waited until 8 to gain entry. As expected, the concert started half an hour late. We had to listen to two local bands, whose names I didn't even bother remembering. Sitting through 7 agonizing songs for one hour. Woah, they planned to play EIGHT songs! Luckily the second band canceled one. Too bad, both bands couldn't move almost the entire audience to move and sing along. They were quite talented, but most of us never heard of them, wanted to see Switchfoot and they played an overwhelming of songs. After the first band finally dismissed themselves off, and the host announced that a second local band will be coming, I could feel the tension rise.

It was also yesterday night that the phrase "My granny can scrap better than that" was redefined. When the second band was playing, a lady seated a few rows from us around her fifties took out her earpieces when the second local band performed and listened to her mp3/Walkman/whatever. Either that or she covered her ears with them.
She:
1. Was there ALONE for a concert.
2. Was there for a ROCK concert at a rather awkward age.
3. Was there for a $70/$80 concert.
4. Was using her earpieces even though the cacophony from the band was overwhelming enough to drown out all other sound.
5. Was sitting at one corner, staring at the floor, even though everyone else (including me) was foolish enough to at least show our faces to the band.
6. Kept the earpieces only after that band excused themselves from the stage.
7. PWNed.

Hidden Text. Oh man, the starting was garbage. You may be like; "Come on, it's the first time you heard them, be easy on them" but no, it sucks ass from a straw. Okay, maybe that was a little bit too tough.

Then came Switchfoot. Compare the reactions of the crowd as soon as they came in to that of when the local bands were trying their best to stir up the crowd, and the verdict is obvious.

They played sixteen songs, excluding a Switchfoot version of Beyonce's Crazy In Love, of which an excerpt was used in conjunction to with Gone to form a medley. They are:
1. Oh! Gravity
2. Stars
3. This Is Your Life
4. We Are One Tonight
5. The Shadow Proves The Sunshine
6. Ammunition
7. Only Hope
8. Gone
9. On Fire
10. Dirty Second Hands
11. American Dream
12. Learning To Breathe
13. Awakening
14. Meant to Live
15. Twenty-Four
16. Dare You to Move
(I tried to recall the order as best as I can. They would most probably be quite a big number of mistakes around the middle.)

I remember the way they started their concert. They played some riffs, played the starting part of Meant to Live, made the crowd crazy, then immediately shifted to Oh! Gravity. Yuan was the first to identify that song; my was he fast. After that song finished, they played more riffs and proceeded to present the famous intro of Stars. I doubt the crowd could have went even more crazy then that. Yuan was grinning out his tooth, for God sakes. We Are One Tonight and The Shadow Proves The Sunshine were a medley. Awakening was killer. If only Yap Ning was there, then I would go, "Hey! Awake-Ning!"

There was one part where Jonathan Foreman's cable broke. Maybe he was rocking too hard. Anyway, he borrowed Phil's guitar instead. Andrew Philip Shirley is a guitarist and the newest member of the rock band Switchfoot. Shirley attended California Baptist University studying a Fine Arts degree with a Music minor. During that time he also started and led the Chapel Worship Team and the Thursday Night Live Bible Study. He had only started playing guitar as a senior in Highschool. After graduating from college, he also began working with Youth for Christ as the Riverside area Campus Life director.

So many things wowed me that night, I can't post them all! Towards the end of American Dream, before the last two lines of the final bridge (But that ain't my America, that ain't my American Dream), the band suddenly stopped and stoned there. Oh my Word, the bassist Tim was leaning back at quite an uncomfortable angle. Once again the crowd went wild and started chanting "Switchfoot, Switchfoot". I'm not sure just exactly how long they stoned there, but it must have been a minute at least. When The four of us were rather amazed by that idea. Jony proposed we do that during worship leading next time!

Yesterday was a dream come true, but it was also an awakening. When I heard twenty-four, one of my favorite live from the writer's own mouth, there were so many things I realized. All this while I have been more or less idolizing Switchfoot, and it was then that I knew what folly it was. The glory goes to God. They appeal to a wide audience when they play, but the lyrics, the soul of their music is dedicated to the Father. They cry out to God for forgiveness and grace, not to the audience for fame and glory. When Jon reached the first line of the bridge (I'm not copping out), he choked and delayed that part, and sang the second line (not copping out) with added determination.

The band and I, we are worlds apart, yet I feel we are so near. The way they profess their faith and reach out to souls is one that God will not ignore. Their songs sing of the things we face in our walk with God; not just the joys of salvation. Even Billy Graham once went up the mountains alone to think through whether or not his faith is real. The song 4:12 sings about how he doubted and thought the world was merely material, and how he realized that "souls aren't built of stones, sticks and bones". Dirty Second Hands talks about how we create our own enemy, how envy and lust causes us to fail, but the next song on the album, Awakening is on how grace abounds to cover our sin, and that we're awakening to fulfill what God wants us sinners to do. I think Yuan likes Stars because he also cogitates on the same theme as Jonathan Foreman when he wrote that song. He told me that if the stars had a choice, it would never shine its' light on this fallen world.

It's as though through faith, Jon is speaking to Yuan and saying, "Yuan, this one is for you."

Stars looking at a planet, watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking about the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home
I've been thinking about everyone, everyone you look so empty

But what is classic is how Jonathan leaves a hint at the end, "When I look at the stars I see someone" Where this "grace or love or anti-entropy" does not hide His face from this fallen world, and continues to shine for humanity.

Behind the Song:
"Here's another song that we've been playing live for a while. Maybe it's the Led Zeppelin side of me but I love a good rock riff and this one is really fun to play. It's a good builder that I'm anxious to play this summer. Speaking of summer, I have a theory about social entropy; if you and I ever end up talking about existence drinking caffeinated beverages in the wee hours remind me to tell you all about it. For now let's just say that in a world of pain and war and divorce and greed and genocide, how does anything good ever happen? I understand the second law of thermodynamics in the physical world to be something like this: "Any system which is free of external influences becomes more and more disordered with time. This disorder can be expressed in terms of the quantity called entropy." So without some sort of external influence on the social plane, I find no logical reason why humankind didn't see her last day a long time ago. Call it grace or love or anti-entropy- there must be something keeping things together. The question becomes, why do good things happen to bad people? In the song, the first verse looks at things from Descartes perspective, pinning the center of the universe on the individual. "Maybe I've been the problem," maybe I'm overcast, falling apart, etc... The second verse talks about our world from the perspective of the stars looking down on earth from the eternal dance of gravity and motion. I love the night sky. It reminds me of how small and insignificant me and my problems are in light of the infinite. When I look at the stars i feel like myself.” – Jon Foreman (Switchfoot)

God Bless Switchfoot, God Bless this world, God Bless YOU!

30th January 2008

And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him.
And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, "Do you see anything?"
And he looked up and said, "I see men, but they look like trees, walking."
Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.
Mark 8:22-25


Everything clearly - Could see their form and features. His sight was completely restored. Though our Lord did not by this, probably, “intend” to teach any lesson in regard to the way in which the mind of a sinner is enlightened, yet it affords a striking illustration of it. Sinners are by nature blind. The effect of religion, or of the influence of the Holy Spirit, is to open the eyes, to show the sinner his condition and his danger, and to lead him to “look” on him as a Saviour. Yet at first he sees indistinctly. He does not soon learn to distinguish objects. When converted he is in a new world. Light is shed on every object, and he sees the Scriptures, the Saviour, and the works of creation, the sun, the stars, the hills, the vales, in a new light. He sees the beauty of the plan of salvation, and wonders that he has not seen it before. Yet he sees at first indistinctly. It is only by repeated applications to the Source of light that he sees all things clearly. At first religion appears full of mysteries. Doctrines and facts are brought before his mind that he cannot fully comprehend. He is still perplexed, and he may doubt whether he has ever seen anything aright, or has been ever renewed. Yet let him not despair. Light, in due time, will be shed on these obscure and mysterious truths. Faithful and repeated application to the Father of lights in prayer, and in searching the Scriptures, and in the ordinances of religion, will dissipate these doubts, and he will see all things clearly, and the universe will appear to be filled with one broad flood of light.

29th January 2008

Wow. Heard Cloverfield was bad, but watched The Mist. Awesome. Many lessons to learn. See it to find out yourself; sorry, no spoilers. ^^

Sorry

I'm sorry for the sleepless nights. I feel them myself.

Circles

Circles, circles and more circles. Spinning around in circles.

Riddles

Riddles, riddles and more riddles. Little spots here and there.

11th January 2008

Spiritual highs; they feel rather exhilarating. Problem is, God does promise a life full of such experiences. It is not the articulus stantis et cadentis ecclesiae. However due to it's experiential nature, it becomes rather addictive as such. Must guard against it. Lest we find other times in our life too unfulfillable and depressing...

07th January

Funny. First time I prayed the sinner's prayer with a non-believer. It feels good, yet so strange. I always think I could have done better, that I could have some how used better words. I had no draft in front of me to guide me, and it was done in the school canteen, of all places.

I want to believe that the angels in heaven all rejoiced today. Yet, apparently he came from a missionary secondary school, and had prayed the prayer twice before. He said that this time felt different, but I fear that it is merely a temporary high.

He fears his parents will prosecute him if he goes to church, and thus feels it's not ready to take the first step.

Bottom line; so many nights I prayed for him and others, God is answering them. All the more I should continue to pray for him and the others! All glory be to God, He reigns victorious.

6th January 2008

An interesting conversation I had today. Names have been changed to protect their identities. Emoticons have been bracketed to their original words.

John says:
hi

John just sent you a nudge.

John says:
(What) are u (d) oing
John says:
where MARYDOE (?)
Shining Blade says:
oh hi
Shining Blade says:
i was having a bath.
Shining Blade says:
(-.-)
Shining Blade says:
erm she's still shopping
Shining Blade says:
anything i can do to help (?)
Shining Blade says:
i can send her a message to hurry up
John says:
where mARY doe(?)
Shining Blade says:
erm she's still shopping
Shining Blade says:
anything i can do to help
Shining Blade says:
i can send her a message to hurry up
Shining Blade says:
(haha)
Shining Blade says:
just kidding, am repeating myself
John says:
uppp
Shining Blade says:
(?)
John says:
marY DOE WHERE oline
Shining Blade says:
erm i said that she's still shopping
John says:
(ok)
Shining Blade says:
a group of us went shopping
John says:
upppppp
John says:
(....)
Shining Blade says:
u need me to pass a message (?)
Shining Blade says:
(the)n (the) guys left home earlier
John says:
where are u (?)
Shining Blade says:
i'm at home
John says:
hou(s)e(?)
John says:
home(?)
Shining Blade says:
girls still shopping in a shopping centre
Shining Blade says:
yes, i'm at home.
John says:
te(ll) (s)he oline
Shining Blade says:
erm she's not at home
John says:
TELL SHE OLINE
Shining Blade says:
u got something urgent to tell her(?)
John says:
(ok)
John says:
oline
Shining Blade says:
(?)
John says:
online
Shining Blade says:
oh
Shining Blade says:
she's not at home now, will give her a message to go online asap
John says:
TELL MARY DOE ONLINE (OK)
Shining Blade says:
no prob
John says:
(haiz)
John says:
PLEASE
John says:
(ok)
Shining Blade says:
yes, but she's not at her house, she's out shopping.
John says:
upppp
John says:
(s)he come to home
John says:
teLL (HI)M OPEN COMPUTER online
John says:
(ok)

John is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?

John has canceled the invitation to start sending webcam.

John says:
(ok)

John just sent you a nudge.

John says:
(lol)
Shining Blade says:
whoops sorry was sending an sms to mary
John says:
(ok)
John says:
(haiz)
John says:
i go to (s) hopping (bye)

Was Jesus' Death a Sham and His Ressurection a Hoax?

The following is a rather long but meaningful essay that deals with the death of Jesus Christ. His resurrection would be covered in a later posting. I used an interview that Lee Strobel, interviewed Alexander Metherell in the book The Case for Christ (Authored by Strobel).
Metherell has a medical degree from the University of Miami in Florida, doctorate in engineering from the University of Bristol in England. He is board certified in diagnosis by the American Board of Radiology and has been a consultant to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute of the National Institutes of Health of Bethesda, Maryland.

The swoon theory, that says Jesus' reappearance was not a miraculous resurrection but merely a fortuitous resuscitation, and his tomb was empty because he continued to live.

Maybe Pontius Pilate was bribed to allow Jesus to be taken down from the cross before he was dead. Maybe he survived the entire ordeal, or entered a trance-like fake death. Or perhaps he was drugged to appear dead, and then revived by the cool damp air of the tomb. Could the Roman guards have been incompetent in ensuring his death and took him down accidentally alive?

Before Jesus could be resurrected, he must be dead first, that's common sense. So what exactly happened when he was crucified and could he have survived some way or another, only to rise up from the grave and make everyone think he was resurrected?

Lee Strobel's(M.D.) interview with Alexander Metherell(M.D., PH.D.), as adapted from The Case for Christ.

Jesus went with his disciples after the Last Supper to the Mount of Olives, the Garden of Gethsemane. There, he prayed all night. Anticipating the coming events of the next day, he knew the amount of suffering he had to endure, and would naturally be experiencing a great deal of psychological stress. (As written in Luke 22:42-44, he prayed "'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.' And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.")

There is a medical condition known as hematidrosis(Can be found in wikipedia). It is a very rare condition that is associated with a high degree of psychological stress. Severe anxiety causes the release of chemicals that break down the capillaries in the sweat glands. Thus, there's a small amount of bleeding into the glands, and the sweat comes out tinged with blood. We're not talking about a lot of blood; it's just a very, very small amount. What it also does is to cause the skin to be extremely fragile so that when Jesus was flogged by the Roman soldier the next day, his skin would be very, very sensitive.

Roman floggings were known to be terribly fatal. They usually consisted of thirty-nine lashes but frequently were a lot more than that, depending on the mood of the soldier applying the blows.

The soldier would use a whip of braided leather thongs with metal balls woven into them. When the whip would strike the flesh, these balls would cause deep bruises or contusions, which would break open with further blows. And the whip had pieces of sharp bone as well, which would cut the flesh severely.

The back would be so shredded that part of the spine was sometimes exposed by deep, deep cuts. The whipping would have gone all the way from the shoulders down to the back, the buttocks, and the back of the legs.

One physician who has studied Roman beatings said, "As the flogging continued, the lacerations would tear into the underlying skeletal muscles and produce quivering ribbons of bleeding flesh." A third-century historian by the name of Eusebius described flogging by saying, "The sufferer's veins were laid bare, and the muscles, sinews, and bowels of the victim were open to exposure."

The victim would experience tremendous pain and go into hypovolemic shock(Also in wikipedia). 'Hypo' means low, 'vol' refers to volume, and 'emic' means blood. This does four things. First, the heart races to try to pump blood that is not there; second, the blood pressure drops, causing fainting or collapse; third, the kidneys stop producing urine to maintain what volume is left; and fourth, the person becomes very thirsty as the body craves fluids to replace the lost blood volume.

Jesus was in hypovolemic shock as he staggered up the rode to the execution site at Calvary, carrying the horizontal beam of the cross. Finally Jesus collapsed, and the Roman soldier ordered Simon to carry the cross for him. (Mark 15:21 "And they compelled a passerby, Simon of Cyrene, who was coming in from the country, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to carry his cross.") Later we read the Jesus said, 'I thirst', at which point a sip of vinegar was offered to him. (Mark 15:36)

Jesus survived the beating that day and went on to the cross-which is where the real issue lies.

He would have been laid down, and his hands would have been nailed in the outstretched position to the horizontal beam. This crossbar was called the patibulum, and at this stage it was separate from the vertical beam, which was permanently set in the ground.

The Romans used spikes that were five to seven inches long and tapered to a sharp point. They were driven through the wrists, an inch or so below his left palm.
(All the paintings show the nails pierced his palms, a standard symbol representing the Crucifixion, but it really was through the wrist, as Metherell goes on to explain)
Through the wrists. This was a solid position that would lock the hand; if the nails had been driven through the palms, his weight would have caused the skin to tear and he would have fallen off the cross. So the nails went through the wrists, although this was considered part of the hand in the language of the day.

It's important to understand that the nail would go through the place where the median nerve runs. (From wiki, Injury of median nerve at different levels cause different syndromes. Injury of this nerve at a level above elbow joint results in loss of pronation and a decrease in flexion of the hand at the wrist joint. In the hand, thenar muscles are paralysed and atrophy in time. Opposition and flexion movements of thumb are lost, and thumb and index finger are arrested in adduction and hyperextension position. This appearance of the hand is collectively referred as ape hand deformity. In addition, in palmar side of the hand sensation of lateral part of hand, first three fingers and lateral half of the fourth finger and in dorsal side sensation of distal ⅓ portions of first three fingers and lateral half of distal ⅓ portion of fourth finger is lost.)

The pain was absolutely unbearable. In fact, it was literally beyond words to describe; they had to invent a new word: 'excruciating'. Literally, 'excruciating' means 'out of the cross.' They needed to create a new word, because there was nothing in the language that could describe the intense anguish caused during the crucifixion.

At this point Jesus was hoisted as the crossbar was attached to the vertical stake, and then nails were driven through Jesus' feet. Again, the nerves in his feet would have been crushed, and there would have been a similar type of pain.

The effect that hanging from the cross would have had on Jesus; first of all, his arms would have immediately been stretched, probably about six inches in length, and both shoulders would have become dislocated. This fulfilled the Old Testament prophecy in Psalm 22, which foretold the Crucifixion hundreds of years before it took place and says, 'My bones are out of joint.'

Once a person is hanging in the vertical position, crucifixion is essentially an agonizingly slow death by asphyxiation(wikipedia again). The reason is that the stresses on the muscles and diaphragm put the chest into the inhaled position; basically, in order to exhale, the individual must push up on his feet so the tension on the muscles would be eased for moment. In doing so, the nail would tear through the foot, eventually locking up against the tarsal bones.

After managing to exhale, the person would then be able to relax down and take another breath in. Again, he would have to push himself up to exhale, scraping his bloodied back against the coarse wood of the cross. This would go on and on until complete exhaustion would take over, and the person would not be able to push up and breathe anymore.

As the person slows down his breathing, he goes into what is called respiratory acidosis(wikipedia)-the carbon dioxide in the blood is dissolved as carbonic acid, causing the acidity of the blood to increase. This eventually leads to an irregular heartbeat. In fact, with his heart beating erratically, Jesus would have known that he was at the moment of death, which is when he was able to say, "Lord, into your hands I commit my spirit."(Luke 23:46) And then he died of cardiac arrest.

Before he died, the hypovolemic shock would have caused a sustained rapid heart rate that would have contributed to heart failure, resulting in the collection of fluid in the membrane around the heart, called a pericardial effusion, as well as around the lungs, which is called pleural effusion.

When the Roman soldier came around and, being fairly certain that Jesus was dead, confirmed it by thrusting a spear into his right side. It was probably his right side; that's not certain, but from the description it was probably the right side, between the ribs.

The spear apparently went through the right lung and into the heart, so when the spear was pulled out, some fluid-the pericardial effusion and the pleural effusion-came out. This would have been the appearance of a clear fluid, like water, followed by a large volume of blood, as the eyewitness John described in his gospel.

(True, John was untrained and could not identify the clear fluid that came out, and thus wrote it as water. However, in John 19:34, it is said that 'blood and water' came out; and John intentionally put the words in that order. But according to Metherell, the clear fluid would have come out first. A significant discrepancy here, explained in the following excerpt)

I'm not a Greek scholar, but according to people who are, the order if words in ancient Greek was determined not necessarily by sequence but by prominence. This means that since there was a lot more blood than water, it would have made sense for John to mention the blood first.

There was absolutely no doubt that Jesus was dead.

as aas (In the past, if the Roman guard somehow let any prisoner escape or allowed any convict sentenced to death to live due to carelessness or other reason, the sentence would be carried out on the Roman guard. That was quite a big incentive to ensure that the prisoner, or in this case, Jesus, was thoroughly dead. But as a final argument, Metherell depicts what would happen if somehow, Jesus survived the ordeal and lived to appear to the disciples. Here, he reasons that the wounds he suffered would not recover fully permanently, much less within a period of three days. Hypothesizing that Jesus would still be alive without means of resurrection, his body would be in a total mess.)

Listen, a person in that kind of pathetic condition would never have inspired his disciples to go out and proclaim that he's the Lord of life who had triumphed over the grave.

Do you see what I'm saying? After suffering that horrible abuse, with all the catastrophic blood loss and trauma, he would have looked so pitiful that the disciples would never have hailed him as a victorious conqueror of death; they would have felt sorry for him and tried to nurse him back to health.

So, it's preposterous to think that if he had appeared to them in that awful state, his followers would have been prompted to start a worldwide movement based on the hope that someday they too would have a resurrection body like his. There's just no way.